00:00:01.60
Gareth Pickering
I'm here today with Lewis Huckstep. Welcome to the show, brother.
00:00:05.49
Lewis Huckstep
Brother, thank you for having me. I'm excited to connect you. ah You resonate and you've got a lot of vibes similar to a lot of friends that are in my circle. So I'm excited to ah to connect with you, man, and have a good chat.
00:00:15.57
Gareth Pickering
Thanks, man. How do you define those vibes?
00:00:18.15
Lewis Huckstep
ah there's There's one person in particular, you might get him on the podcast and you might ah see yourself in him a lot. His name's Scott. He's a breathwork facilitator and he's a men's coach. as So just your yeah energy, your presence, your aura, it's very similar to him.
00:00:27.78
Gareth Pickering
Uh-huh.
00:00:30.63
Lewis Huckstep
and So he's just very loving, very nurturing, but you know there's a lot of strength and power underneath the surface as well, from what I can tell.
00:00:38.31
Gareth Pickering
it
00:00:40.92
Gareth Pickering
Stoked, brother. um ah Yeah, I've been following you for a couple of years. And um when Tony connected us, I was really excited to have this conversation. And I think we said before we pressed record you, I see so much overlap in what um in what you're doing and The relationship that you spoke about before we pressed record was like this place between like inner work and outer work. So maybe we can kick off there and share how that fits into maybe your personal journey and how you see that in the in the people that you coach. Like what is the relationship between inner work and outer work and how do they they play together?
00:01:10.95
Lewis Huckstep
Yeah, beautiful, man. There's so many different angles on that. um There's your, you don't see things the way they are, you see things the way you are from Wayne Dyer. yeah I use that quote quite often. And it's like, if you whatever whatever problems, challenges, roadblocks, conflict, resistance, triggers, whatever's happening in your external world, it's always a projection from what's happening underneath the surface.
00:01:30.74
Lewis Huckstep
And as we said before, you click record at my events. I like to take the piss out of my spiritual mates because I'm in spiritual circles. I've done the medicines. I just came from a two-day event where it's all spiritual people. And I'm like the most sort of non non-spiritual person there.
00:01:44.01
Lewis Huckstep
And on in that that spiritual side of the spectrum, those people are very present, conscious, doing their breath. They're connecting with source. They're doing the medicines. They're so conscious and levitating, meditating all day.
00:01:56.47
Gareth Pickering
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:01:56.67
Lewis Huckstep
But without actually... the skills and practicality of the 3D world we live in, those people are often very broke and they're so disconnected from the world that we live in, of practically speaking. And then on the other side of the spectrum where I started my journey is the, I call them the hustle porn people where it's just like hustle, hustle, hustle, grind, grind, grind, achieve, achieve, achieve. And it's always about external achievements to,
00:02:18.45
Lewis Huckstep
try to achieve externally to fulfill yourself internally. And you would know this better than most. that doesn't It doesn't work that way. it's ah It's ah the mirage that I'll be happy when, and that was me ah for a long time.
00:02:30.01
Lewis Huckstep
And my work essentially is integrating those two together. It's coming back to knowing who you truly are, what your last purpose is, what your values are, what's what's intrinsically fulfilling to who you are. getting clear on what are the actual practical skills to put that together.
00:02:43.24
Lewis Huckstep
Because as far as you far as I know, you can't pay your landlord with gratitude. You got to pay them with money. You got to pay them with like the things that they actually want, right?
00:02:50.66
Gareth Pickering
Mm-hmm.
00:02:50.81
Lewis Huckstep
ah That normally gets a laugh at the crowd. And... Then I'm also probably if I had to sort of circle my favorite topic, it's the it's removing the blocks, the wounds, the traumas, the limitations that would stop you from actually taking the action. Because yes, you need the skills. It's like Tony Robbins says, 80% psychology, 20% strategy.
00:03:11.51
Lewis Huckstep
The strategy in essence for most things is not that complicated. Like I just came from the gym, just trained just before. To be relatively healthy, it's not that complicated. Like you... train consistently, get your macros right, get some sleep, drink some water.
00:03:23.73
Lewis Huckstep
like If you just do those basic things, you're going to be relatively healthy.
00:03:25.93
Gareth Pickering
Right. Mm-hmm.
00:03:26.72
Lewis Huckstep
But why do so many people struggle with it? It's their trauma, it's their conditioning, it's their limitation, it's all this stuff that's happening on the internal world. So I like to blend all those things together where I get clear on who you are, what's your life's purpose, what's your vision, what's your mission, what's your soul's values.
00:03:40.71
Lewis Huckstep
What is it that you truly desire? what's what What does a dream life look like for you? If you wake up and actually do what you love, love what you do and be inspired by the life you've created, what do you actually need to get out to do in this practical world to bring that to life?
00:03:52.15
Lewis Huckstep
And then let's remove those blocks because if you have the skills, you know who you are. Without doing the inner work, that's where you hit the glass ceiling, you get in your own way, you sabotage. Those are common words that people throw around.
00:04:03.62
Lewis Huckstep
And you don't know what you don't know. This is where I always do my best to start with empathy with my clients. It's like you you can't be held accountable to something you're not aware of. If you keep sabotaging your relationships, you keep getting triggered by your partner, you keep...
00:04:15.80
Lewis Huckstep
um wanting to do like post content like when I first started it was one for me as well it's like wanting to post content but you're so scared of people's judgment because underneath the surface you've got trauma from judgment and being um being invalidated or whatever the thing is it's like you don't know what you don't know I like to bring that awareness to people my purpose is to heal and raise consciousness so i want to
00:04:28.09
Gareth Pickering
Mm-hmm.
00:04:34.39
Lewis Huckstep
bring awareness to people, raise their level of awareness and consciousness so that they, it's like with great power comes great responsibility. Once you become aware of it, it's now up to you to actually lean into it. And that of often takes a lot of courage and strength to do that. do that That's kind of the first part of your question. Second part of your question of me, my journey, I got diagnosed with Asperger's, autism, ADHD, and anxiety when I was really young.
00:04:55.73
Lewis Huckstep
And had my trauma growing up with mom and dad and just being physically, mentally, emotionally ah unsafe, hurt, abused. I share a story in my book about dad punching down a door to get into my brother.
00:05:08.29
Lewis Huckstep
and And then I became an overachiever. I learned how do I... I like tony's so Tony Robbins' question from his ah documentary right at the end. He says, who did did you need what which parent did you crave love from the most?
00:05:22.20
Lewis Huckstep
Mine was dad. And he says, who did you need to be for that parent? And mine was an achiever. I will get love from him if I overachieve.
00:05:27.67
Gareth Pickering
Mm.
00:05:29.79
Lewis Huckstep
And that also comes from my wounds of being invalidated, not being enough, being unworthy, being unseen, being unheard, all those things. And that set me on the overachievers pathway. And I opened three gins by the age of 22. I built a six figure network marketing business when I was 19. I...
00:05:44.29
Lewis Huckstep
i Just everything I did, I just went all in and just like I had to achieve, not for internal reasons, for external reasons. And that led me to burnout. I hit a breaking point. I gave one of my gyms away. I sold another one. And then I ended up hiring myself out of the third gym when I was 24 or 25. And I was earning two to three grand a week with a business running without me. And I had more time and space to lean into what I truly love, which was purpose, mission, vision, values, healing, all the stuff we're talking about now.
00:06:12.96
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
00:06:12.90
Lewis Huckstep
And yeah, just I've been going all in on that for about three years now. I was coaching people ah mentally and emotionally through the gyms. ah I've got like heaps of funny stories. Like people would come down for proteins and calories um and the sort of trainee side of things, but we'd end up unpacking all their childhood shit at the goal setting consult, which is really funny.
00:06:29.41
Lewis Huckstep
But I just always loved it because it's what I'm passionate about is what my purpose is. It's what I really love doing. And Now I'm on a mission to bring that to the world through my book, through my my content, through my in-person events, from my online programs. I'm just trying to give my medicine and my my gift to as many people as I can.
00:06:44.31
Lewis Huckstep
um That's where I am today.
00:06:46.88
Gareth Pickering
So good, dude. Was it just inherently available to you that that supporting people was going to be part of your your mission? like Was that always true for you? luck Or did you need to get to that breaking point? Or did you see it starting to come through your work that you were doing in the gyms? like Or do you just wake up one day and be like, this is it? like How did that unfold for you?
00:07:06.36
Gareth Pickering
I know this is what you also guide clients with, but I'd like to know for you specifically.
00:07:07.14
Lewis Huckstep
yeah Yeah, perfect. it's um So, yeah, so the sort of coachy answer is like your purpose is an expression of your greatest core wound. So, whatever was most painful for you becomes most important to you. What was most like pain becomes purpose, wounds become wisdom.
00:07:22.43
Lewis Huckstep
So, the seeds that were planted for me was in childhood, was um was being mentally, emotionally, feeling rejected, hurt and misunderstood.
00:07:22.68
Gareth Pickering
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:07:29.39
Lewis Huckstep
That's my core wound. so i love So if you heal and express that, I like to heal hurt people. I like making people feel seen and understood. And I love to help people feel accepted, loved, and increase their level of awareness. And if you look at all the work that I do, that's all that I do.
00:07:42.02
Lewis Huckstep
So that's where the seeds were planted many years ago. ah So I have a purpose process where I guide people to find that ah faster just by asking the right questions. But you if you just honestly follow your inspiration, whatever whatever you get inspired by, whatever you're interested in, whatever you get a tier of inspiration by doing, whatever where those are the breadcrumbs of the universe.
00:08:02.41
Lewis Huckstep
So if you just become aware of those and you actually just unconsciously or consciously follow that, you'll actually end up doing your purpose. Just unconsciously, um it led you there.
00:08:10.53
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
00:08:10.46
Lewis Huckstep
So it's like people that actually have a career or they're doing a business and it actually lights their soul on fire. I did this process with, um I was on a podcast actually. I posted the reel to it, um I think like two days ago. It's still doing quite well.
00:08:21.32
Lewis Huckstep
And I did the purpose process on the podcast with with the with the host. And I went through and she's a um she helps women ah love their bodies, be accepted, self-love, confidence.
00:08:26.07
Gareth Pickering
yeah
00:08:32.86
Lewis Huckstep
because she felt And then we did the purpose process on on the on the podcast. And her core wound was feeling um rejected, ugly, not accepted, not enough, and unloved. and um and it's like and And it was cool in the podcast. She's like, holy shit.
00:08:46.75
Lewis Huckstep
I'm actually doing all of that right now through the podcast. um That's why you love doing your podcast because you're actually fulfilled by it. So if you follow what you're inspired by, you'll actually get there eventually. um The purpose process I like to take people through just speeds that up.
00:08:56.89
Gareth Pickering
Mm-hmm.
00:08:59.17
Lewis Huckstep
So you ah you get to define it. You get to get clear on it. you can get um It just gives you a ah deeper depth of understanding of what it is. So I get roundabout answer to your question is that those were the seeds that were planted. ah I pursued fitness. That's where I, that was my background. Sport was my my my outlet when I grew up.
00:09:18.65
Lewis Huckstep
And started fitness because that's what I knew. It's like those questions I share in the book. like, you want to do when you're older? I'm like, I don't fucking know. I know what I want to do when I'm older. It's you just don't get taught that. I didn't get taught what's your purpose.
00:09:30.24
Lewis Huckstep
Go fulfill your purpose. Make money doing your purpose. I wish we got taught that at school.
00:09:33.57
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
00:09:33.52
Lewis Huckstep
So I did ah did personal training. That's where I started this year before. And I started that because you just do the best of what you have at the time. And I was always drawn to it like I did Tony Robbins when I was 18 and like doing his limiting belief process and personal transformation. I'm like, holy shit, this is amazing. This is really cool.
00:09:51.91
Lewis Huckstep
And then...
00:09:52.12
Gareth Pickering
ah
00:09:52.98
Lewis Huckstep
yeah I just kept adding to that toolkit. I did Demartini, Wayne Dyer, Tony Robbins, like I said, Joe Dispenza, Peter Krohn, just all these incredible mentors. and Self-transformation was always like the common theme that I always enjoyed doing because I felt like I was weird, I was broken, there was something wrong with me.
00:10:10.84
Lewis Huckstep
You're autistic, you've got Asperger's, you've got this condition, you've got all this trauma, there's something wrong with you. Being able to break through those um constraints and those wounds and those limitations always fascinated me it's always what i enjoyed because it was painful it becomes meaningful and purposeful for me so the whole journey unconsciously i was moving towards it and then when i got clear on my body of work being able to actually sit with it feel it understand it and then prioritize it and live a life living it it's so good so the gym's kind of segued me into it because I i said it before. There's this one one one client that stood out. I had this client. She came down for a seven-day trial for the gym and she comes down and we do like a goal setting session where we go through their goals and it's very like normally it's like this is how much macros, how much protein you need, how many calories you need, la, la, la, like very like sort of fitnessy.
00:11:00.62
Lewis Huckstep
answer and she uh i'm one of my gifts is making people feel safe to be vulnerable and to open up and to share what's going on and she ended up telling me that her husband had committed suicide ah three months earlier and she hadn't spoken to anyone about it like like people in in a close circle but no one to actually help her through it and 90 minutes later we had processed not the whole thing but we'd done a lot of healing and processing through that and she came down for calories and protein and so she she signed up for the membership ah let's put it that way but she that's those were like a lot of my conversations would
00:11:00.89
Gareth Pickering
yeah
00:11:30.11
Lewis Huckstep
ah unconsciously or consciously lead towards that. It's like, yes, he's here's the training program.
00:11:33.36
Gareth Pickering
Mm-hmm.
00:11:34.84
Lewis Huckstep
Here's the macros. Here's what you got. Awesome. Let's go. But how are you really? What's going on? Like can can I can feel a little bit of tension. How are you? tell you I'm not sure if it's like that in your country, but in our country, it's like, how are you? Yeah, not bad.
00:11:47.24
Lewis Huckstep
It's like, okay, well, how are you really? if you're not bad, how are you? what How are you really? And I always like like to go a little bit deeper. And I think you'd have this gift as well, brother. You'd be able to feel like what people say and what you feel from them are two different answers. You're like, yeah, I'm good. You're like, really? Like, if you're okay, speaking into that, I can feel a little bit of tension with you. What's going on? Is everything okay?
00:12:07.99
Lewis Huckstep
And I would just, I always loved to going into those conversations because it's what I didn't have. You become who you needed when you're at your lowest. That's what I didn't have. So yeah.
00:12:15.18
Gareth Pickering
Say that again. You become what you needed when you're at your low.
00:12:17.25
Lewis Huckstep
You become who you needed when you're at your lowest.
00:12:19.89
Gareth Pickering
Good.
00:12:19.96
Lewis Huckstep
So that's essentially another way of saying purpose. you
00:12:23.00
Gareth Pickering
Right.
00:12:23.08
Lewis Huckstep
Your greatest core wound is what was most painful for you and your upbringing. And there'll be a theme to find what that is. And you become that person.
00:12:29.46
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
00:12:30.70
Lewis Huckstep
So I needed to feel safe. I needed to heal. I needed to understand who I was because I got told all these limitations of who I, all these um constraints and labels that kept me stuck. And I didn't know who I was. I didn't know what I wanted.
00:12:42.91
Lewis Huckstep
And I just lacked all that. My nervous system was really dysregulated. Mum shares this funny story. My first ah day at kindergarten, I don't know if you guys have can you kindergarten in your school.
00:12:53.92
Gareth Pickering
yeah Yeah, preschool, yeah.
00:12:54.42
Lewis Huckstep
It's like year one. It's like the the year before year one. And she she said ah the school called her um saying, you have to come down and grab your son. He's going crazy. And I can't remember this. is I don't have this memory. But apparently, she drives down to the school.
00:13:08.88
Lewis Huckstep
And i'm in that ah she walks in. And I'm pulling the teacher's hair out screaming and freaking out. Because my gift of been having Asperger's is I didn't understand people. I didn't understand ah social dynamics. And I was just like really dysregulated and unsafe. And I was just freaking out. So i had a really dysregulated nervous system growing up.
00:13:26.79
Lewis Huckstep
So I'm a breathwork facilitator. I add that into my toolkit. i like to i love it before you click record, you took a big breath in. So it's like i become I've become that person that I needed when I was at my lowest.
00:13:40.21
Lewis Huckstep
And now I give that gift back to others who have those similar wounds and those similar pain points that I can help them with. So for people ah that come to me, it's generally they're lost. They don't know who they are. They're sort of floating through life. They're unfulfilled.
00:13:52.90
Lewis Huckstep
Maybe they they are achieving externally, but they're not fulfilled internally. So that's all the purpose and lack of um understanding your true self. Or maybe they're super triggered, they're sabotaging, they're struggling to relate in relationships.
00:14:05.11
Lewis Huckstep
That's where relationships are the biggest magnifying glass to your inner work. Whatever you haven't healed.
00:14:09.86
Gareth Pickering
yeah For sure.
00:14:10.26
Lewis Huckstep
It's like a quote that I haven't shared in a while. It's, ah if you don't address your unhealed traumas, your relationship will do it for you. I absolutely love that.
00:14:17.84
Gareth Pickering
For sure.
00:14:18.34
Lewis Huckstep
So, yeah.
00:14:18.90
Gareth Pickering
Yeah, it's great.
00:14:19.48
Lewis Huckstep
so ah So I do a lot of relationship stuff. i have people come to me. if I don't call myself a relationship coach. I don't think that's really my my mastery, but the work I do is amplified in relationships.
00:14:29.87
Lewis Huckstep
Absolutely.
00:14:30.48
Gareth Pickering
Yep.
00:14:30.62
Lewis Huckstep
So um yeah, I don't know what your question was to start with, but I hope hope I answered it.
00:14:31.21
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
00:14:35.16
Gareth Pickering
You got it. There was, um there was something in what you shared there, which um was so true for me, which I recognize in, I was born in South Africa. i currently live in Guatemala, but I've noticed there's that, there's that part of like, you described it as how are you? Fine. Thanks. Or I'm okay.
00:14:51.90
Gareth Pickering
Which, you know, it really doesn't get down to what's genuinely alive inside the animal body or the nervous system. And, you know, we live, in these meat suits that are so terrib incredibly complicated and have an amazing ability to be able to read what's actually happening underneath the words.
00:15:09.68
Gareth Pickering
And, you know, the work that I've been doing inside my men circles is calling men forward and asking them to speak about what's authentically alive, because most of us are not trained in that we're trained in the opposite, you know, to just pre pretend that's okay when it's not.
00:15:23.05
Gareth Pickering
And what I've noticed is that when I have got to this place of really speaking out what's genuinely alive for me, which sometimes feels like a step away from the nature of how I used to speak about stuff, which was just, you know, masking and all of that stuff.
00:15:35.59
Gareth Pickering
I actually start to trust myself more, you know, because something in the animal body is like, oh, he's able to speak about what's genuinely alive in me. So that's the first step. When I take that and then speak to the people that I love with the same level of authenticity, like speaking ah where my words match my energy, suddenly the person gets it They're like, oh, I get it. You know, if you and I went for beers and you asked me how things were going, I was having a shit day and i was like, oh, fuck, Lewis doesn't want to hear this. I'm good, mate.
00:16:00.37
Gareth Pickering
some part of you can feel that it's not good, but the words don't match my words, don't match my energy. And without even realizing it, you just don't trust me. Like something's up with that, dude. I can't tell what it is. And then we wonder why our relationships are broken and we have difficult business transactions because we can't speak authentically what's alive in our emotional body to the people that we love and trust so much. It's, it's pretty nuts when I think about it. Yeah.
00:16:23.53
Lewis Huckstep
Yeah, something that came up as you're talking, it's like whatever you suppress will be expressed. So whatever you're suppressing emotionally, mentally, psychologically, spiritually, it's like it's going to get expressed through relationships, through business, through... You mentioned leadership is something that you help a lot of your clients with.
00:16:39.07
Lewis Huckstep
It's like you're... There's a... Fuck, I've got... a great mentor I'm working with at the moment, he says, you can only lead others externally to the depth that you've journey journeyed yourself internally.
00:16:49.36
Lewis Huckstep
So whatever shit is still unprocessed that's in your nervous system, in your mind, in your subconscious, things that trigger you, things that you shame yourself for,
00:16:57.82
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
00:16:58.00
Lewis Huckstep
yeah like the list goes on all of those things is what gets just experienced from others because you can say the right words but as you said it's the emotional body that carries that impact and that authenticity and that connection and if you want to be a better leader it's like work on yourself more like work on you and being able to be that full the full spectrum of who you are the vulnerable part but also and obviously there's a time for leadership where it's time to be strong and firm and confident and lead the way and and hold people accountable all those things but it's like
00:16:59.65
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
00:17:18.74
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
00:17:23.24
Gareth Pickering
Yeah. huh.
00:17:27.16
Lewis Huckstep
to really trust someone and really understand someone. It's being able to see that all those sides of that person. It's been able to, and not by the way, i'm not saying just go cry to your team the whole time, but it's being able to be vulnerable when the time is right to show that you are a human and you've got your own stuff that you're still processing. And then that allows that person to hopefully give them a bit more permission for them to speak up about what's going on. And then you as a coach or a leader leader or whatever's going on,
00:17:51.91
Lewis Huckstep
can help that person work on that because as much as like I've done a couple in-person talks for businesses and it's one of the titles of my work was, can't remember the title of it, but the theme of it was your person your professional life is an expression of but of your personal life. Like you can say yeah that quote, like leave your shit at work leave your shit at home.
00:18:11.33
Lewis Huckstep
I agree to some points, don't bring your shit and then project onto your clients. But why not have a culture where you're actually okay saying, hey, look, I'm actually struggling a little bit with this and just I'm not going to let it affect my work.
00:18:15.28
Gareth Pickering
Right.
00:18:22.24
Lewis Huckstep
But i just want to let you know that's what's happening for me right now. And having the right people around you where you can actually say, you know what?
00:18:24.80
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
00:18:27.01
Lewis Huckstep
Thank you for being vulnerable. Here's this, here's this. How can I support you? A question I, one of most common questions I ask clients and friends and loved ones is, do you need more? Do you need support or challenge from me?
00:18:37.58
Lewis Huckstep
Because we need both. Sometimes as a man, it's good to be get a kick right up the ass and say, step up, lean into it, have courage.
00:18:39.18
Gareth Pickering
Mm.
00:18:45.41
Lewis Huckstep
And then there's sometimes to say, hey, brother, like I'm here for you, bro. like It's okay.
00:18:48.36
Gareth Pickering
Mm-hmm.
00:18:49.23
Lewis Huckstep
It's okay to feel.
00:18:49.38
Gareth Pickering
Such a good question, dude.
00:18:49.95
Lewis Huckstep
It's okay to struggle. it's okay to So it's that balance. And a great coach, in my opinion, knows how to dance on that line really well. Like sometimes I'm super empathetic and i like I love you and I cry with my clients and I hold space for my clients.
00:19:02.41
Lewis Huckstep
And sometimes I say, step the fuck up. It's like yeah you you're saying, you know what to do now.
00:19:06.14
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
00:19:07.59
Lewis Huckstep
You've got the awareness. It's not like you're oblivious to it.
00:19:09.01
Gareth Pickering
Yes.
00:19:10.24
Lewis Huckstep
You just need to have the courage to step on into the fire and do that with with with the fear present. So again, I don't know where that came from.
00:19:18.20
Gareth Pickering
that's like That's like loving father, loving mother, right? you're You're basically integrating those two elements of masculine and feminine.
00:19:23.65
Lewis Huckstep
Absolutely.
00:19:24.24
Gareth Pickering
and The masculine is like step forward, brother, i see It's time to fucking go out and go for a run.
00:19:24.85
Lewis Huckstep
Yeah.
00:19:28.74
Gareth Pickering
The feminine is like, okay, you actually need to be held in this space and there's something in that which is, yeah, bro, so good.
00:19:28.91
Lewis Huckstep
Yep.
00:19:34.20
Gareth Pickering
The other thing which before we jumped on here, you were asking me like the nature of my work and I said relationship and leadership being so similar. I haven't had this. ah You can only lead others externally to the extent that you've done your internal work or something to that that effect.
00:19:47.81
Lewis Huckstep
yep
00:19:48.81
Gareth Pickering
In the relationship piece, it's almost exactly the same. I believe that you can only receive love to the extent that you're able to love yourself. So like if I love myself to a six and I manifest a partner who loves themselves to an eight, those last two pieces are going to be completely overwhelming for me and they're going to but potentially like over love me or I can't accept their love to the capacity that I haven't been able to, to love myself in that, in that way. So, so good to, to hear the, I guess it was there. I just didn't have that. So thank you for sharing that. That's so good.
00:20:15.38
Lewis Huckstep
but I love, a I've done, I think I've done probably 50 podcasts now as a guest and I love having people that can pitch and catch like you, man. Like you're not just nodding your head and um just asking the questions.
00:20:26.71
Lewis Huckstep
It's like, it's landing for you. So um thank you for, um thank you for reflecting it back to me. Cause sometimes I think I talk too quick and people don't understand what I just said. So thank you for but reflecting back to me, brother. appreciate try that.
00:20:36.68
Gareth Pickering
Bro, you've got so much. Like I've listened to a few of your podcasts and I've seen your stuff on social and like, yeah, it's amazing. Like there's so there's so much clarity in in your work. And um yeah, I can see that you've rehearsed it so many times. Like the the content is really well put together and your framework and your book is so well laid out as well.
00:20:54.45
Gareth Pickering
I want to come back to something that you said earlier.
00:20:55.11
Lewis Huckstep
Amen.
00:20:55.93
Gareth Pickering
You said something like, I have a superpower of making people feel safe. How do you articulate that for somebody who wants to cultivate more of that? Because I think that is a genuine superpower in relationship and leadership and life in general.
00:21:09.26
Gareth Pickering
How do you make others feel safe?
00:21:11.08
Lewis Huckstep
Yeah, it's I've been asked this once before and can't remember my answer to it. I'm going to sit with it right now. ah my My answer is it's always a reflection of you. It's always a projection of you. So how safe are you feeling within yourself? Because if you're like super triggered and dysregulated, you're probably not going to make anyone feel safe, right? So that's where it comes back to always working on self and making sure that you're taking your own medicine.
00:21:33.96
Lewis Huckstep
I did an event yesterday and just a line that stood out to me. The shaman drinks the medicine too. So make sure you're always drinking your own medicine as well.
00:21:38.66
Gareth Pickering
Yeah. Yeah.
00:21:40.24
Lewis Huckstep
So just make sure it's always a check-in with you.
00:21:40.53
Gareth Pickering
yeah
00:21:42.04
Lewis Huckstep
So always regulate so self. So whether it's some breaths, some grounding, some you're practicing your work, you're keeping the channel clear, you work you're always just keeping the vessel strong. So i always always work on you and maintain your your own self.
00:21:55.49
Lewis Huckstep
For me, it's whatever the... um Probably ties into the other bodies of my work is the parts that you judge in others is a projection of you. So if you're struggling to...
00:22:07.82
Lewis Huckstep
hold space is because there's probably a level of judgment or projection that's going on right now this person's been weak this person's been a victim this person's uh been whatever the words or traits are for me trauma is a behavior or a trait someone did something or didn't do something that was painful so if you're struggling to hold space there's probably a level of judgment that's coming within you like this person should be better by now this person why is this person so emotional why is this person la la la la la and there's all these projections coming up
00:22:12.67
Gareth Pickering
Mm-hmm.
00:22:33.87
Lewis Huckstep
And that's the mirror to you. Wherever you have resistance or triggers or projections or... Resistance is the word that I think categorizes it all well. Wherever you have resistance towards anyone or anything, there's a there's something for you to address, to integrate, to heal through that you haven't worked on.
00:22:48.13
Lewis Huckstep
So, for me... so So, go back to your question. It would be checking it with self and just how's your nervous system right now? ah i'm ready um we're gettingnna I'm getting ready for parenthood and fatherhood in the next sort of 12 months or so.
00:22:59.95
Lewis Huckstep
So, i'm starting to read like parenting books and and stuff like that.
00:23:00.11
Gareth Pickering
Ah.
00:23:02.52
Lewis Huckstep
And something that really stood out to me was because as you heard, my my nervous system growing up, a child between the ages, I think it was, it wasn't zero to seven because that's the i know that's the imprint zone, but I think it was zero to four or five.
00:23:14.68
Lewis Huckstep
Children literally lack the capacity to regulate themselves. they They can't regulate their own nervous system. So, like, if you go to a child and say, just calm down, you're telling them to do something they can't do. So, you need to literally co-regulate that child with your nervous system, with your presence, with your breath.
00:23:29.89
Lewis Huckstep
to calm them down, right? So that really stood out to me. um So it's been able to help regulate self, which would then regulate the person that you're you're talking to and holding in that safe space. Be aware of any projections in that person. What are you judging that person for? Are they being weak? Are they being a victim? Are they being too much? Are they being emotional?
00:23:46.55
Lewis Huckstep
What's the part within them that you're judging? Because that's actually a part of you you haven't worked on.
00:23:50.85
Gareth Pickering
Mm-hmm.
00:23:52.63
Lewis Huckstep
And I'd say last piece that I'd throw into the mix would be your own bandwidth and your own threshold of how much you can tolerate. Because the more... Your level of threat... Your level of success...
00:24:08.00
Lewis Huckstep
will reflect your capacity to hold projections from others. So it's like, how much can you hold? of It's another way of saying handling people's opinions and caring about people's opinions. But it's like, how much can you hold?
00:24:19.29
Lewis Huckstep
So I've just stepped into my current edge of growth right now is in-person events. So I've done a lot of online stuff. I wrote the book as you referred to earlier. And in-person events is like an a new edge for me, especially selling from stage because all of the projections of like being a salesperson, all those things come up for me.
00:24:33.84
Lewis Huckstep
So it's how... how It's like exposure therapy. How much can you handle? So, what um I posted a video, I think, two days ago.
00:24:45.00
Lewis Huckstep
And it was around, you're being too emotional is one of the weakest things a man can say. Now, that's true not just men. That is also women as well. But what I mean by that, and i then I reframe it.
00:24:53.16
Gareth Pickering
Right.
00:24:55.14
Lewis Huckstep
i say say, what that person is saying in that sentence is, I ah don't have the emotional capacity to handle the fullness of you. So it's like ah that quote, a great a great ah calm ocean never made a great sailor.
00:25:02.69
Gareth Pickering
Right.
00:25:07.36
Lewis Huckstep
So it's like, how much have you have you handled and can you handle?
00:25:07.62
Gareth Pickering
yeah Exactly.
00:25:11.48
Lewis Huckstep
A stable mountain can handle any storm that passes through. sos And and that that's bit of a self-awareness. It's like, say someone is like in a trauma response and they're yelling and screaming and freaking out. Maybe like you've never done that before and that's overwhelming for you. and maybe you just got to do the best of what you can and get through that storm.
00:25:27.92
Lewis Huckstep
But the next time you do that, if you self-reflect and you keep working on yourself, you'll be able to handle that more. You'll be able to, I use like interval training as an example for um exposure therapy. So you go to the gym, you never been to the gym before, you last 20 seconds, then you need to take a break, recover, recharge, then go back, you last 30 seconds.
00:25:43.33
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
00:25:44.69
Lewis Huckstep
And you come back, and recharge, um regenerate, realign, go for 40 seconds.
00:25:45.02
Gareth Pickering
yeah
00:25:47.82
Lewis Huckstep
So I think a bit of exposure therapy, honestly, to increase your threshold and capacity or I'm thinking of another window of tolerance. That's the word I'm trying to find. So it's your window of tolerance of how much can you actually handle
00:25:57.19
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
00:26:00.34
Lewis Huckstep
of people being emotional, people opening up and all those things. So I think a bit of practice, honestly, to summarize that last point is just just practice it. Just be okay with it and just learn to speak. and It's always easier in hindsight when you get triggered because when they're triggered, they're probably going to trigger you often.
00:26:15.61
Lewis Huckstep
um But then reflect on that, find, okay, what is it within them that triggered me? Get to go heal through that and work through that. Regulate your nervous system and yeah, practice. Those would be the three pieces I'll throw into that.
00:26:28.20
Gareth Pickering
So good. I've heard you speak quite a lot about um like emotional resilience, like developing this capacity to do this. So what what are some practical ways that somebody could actually be able to expand their ability to be able to receive emotions or process more emotions? How do you develop emotional resilience?
00:26:46.55
Lewis Huckstep
Yeah. ah Firstly, the the more work you do, it's like, it's kind of two ends of the spectrum. One is like the more exposure you have to it, the more you can handle. There's truth to that, but there's also, it's learning to process and heal through whatever you're currently holding because whatever shit you're still holding right now, it's,
00:27:03.20
Lewis Huckstep
Every trauma, wound, limitation is within your mind, but also in your nervous system. It's right now circulating your nervous system. So there's a current level of tension within everyone right now. It's like that example, like I've heard it a couple times.
00:27:15.54
Lewis Huckstep
If you hold out a glass of water with your arms stretched out, it's not that heavy.
00:27:18.56
Gareth Pickering
Yeah. Yeah.
00:27:19.39
Lewis Huckstep
But if you wait a day, a week, a month, a year, five years, 20 years, it gets heavy eventually. So those are the things we haven't processed yet.
00:27:24.28
Gareth Pickering
yeah
00:27:26.01
Lewis Huckstep
So the more you heal through... your stuff and do inner work and heal and process and whatever what using whatever modality that you choose hopefully using one that processes it properly we can talk about that later but it's been out every time you do that you let go of that you put that cup down metaphorically speaking like then you've got that extra strength and capacity to handle more so it's like you're you're holding so much weight um there's that um there's a metaphor for example like you're holding on to like um you're holding onto a rope and it's like burning your hand, it's really heavy and it's like weighing you down. It's like, why don't you just let go?
00:28:00.84
Lewis Huckstep
Just let go of it. And then you're oh, that feels so much better. And then you've got that extra weight.
00:28:04.24
Gareth Pickering
Yeah. Yeah.
00:28:05.78
Lewis Huckstep
Joe Dispenza uses the, um you're siphoning your energy out of yourself. So say you've got all this shit you haven't worked on, you're still war you still resentful towards mom, dad, childhood, whatever stuff, resistance you haven't worked on yet.
00:28:17.95
Lewis Huckstep
all of that energy that goes towards them through thoughts, through feelings, through triggers, through whatever's circulating through you, you are literally siphoning your energy, your creative energy, your self and everything that you can create.
00:28:24.06
Gareth Pickering
yeah
00:28:30.25
Lewis Huckstep
You're siphoning that out of the present moment back to that person. So there's literally an emotional cord between you and mom or dad or whoever the person haven't healed through yet. So every time you heal, you sever one of those cords and you then take back that energy to then work on and handle more shit and handle more stuff. So...
00:28:46.44
Lewis Huckstep
um Yeah, so that's kind of probably those two, they're kind of the ah opposite side of the same coin. It's like the support and challenge comes back to the sort of feminine masculine balance. It's like work on yourself, love yourself, work on you and sever those wounds and also not sever those wounds, sever the cords that are siphoning your energy from your wounds you haven't healed through yet.
00:28:55.79
Gareth Pickering
Yep. yep
00:29:06.21
Lewis Huckstep
And then also learn to have that scar tissue of showing up and exposing yourself and stretching yourself and expanding your tolerance by actually doing things that challenging. So it's that dichotomy of those both ends.
00:29:17.22
Lewis Huckstep
um And some people have learned to be, and probably men as a generalization, are probably more on the just harden up and do more work and stretch yourself more rather than that nurturing, loving, like it's okay to actually sit down and process this shit so you don't have to keep carrying these weights through life. And so, yeah, they're they're probably the two ends to answer that that question.
00:29:38.40
Gareth Pickering
So good. You know, there's something in that for me, like, ah some of my work has to do with the idea of manifestation or understanding how we're creating our reality in every single moment. And the sense of we have this projected idea of time, you know, like we have a past that seems to be behind us and we've got a future of things that want to come ahead of us. And our imagination is what we project into the future and our memories are what we bring from the past. And, you know, if we are, but both of those happen in the present moment, both of those happen right now. And so if we're in this place of, know,
00:30:09.47
Gareth Pickering
recognizing, I think you said something about you don't, you don't see the world as it is, you see it as you are, you know, the same is true for what you call into your life, you don't attract what you want or what you need into your life, you attract what you are. And if you're holding on to stories in the past, it sets your vibration in the present, which creates a future reality that looks very similar to the past.
00:30:26.75
Gareth Pickering
And so that emotional resilience that you're speaking to not only, you know, there is something about doing the work, but if you can come back and find a place of love,
00:30:27.34
Lewis Huckstep
Yep.
00:30:35.02
Gareth Pickering
for the challenge that you've had in the past, whether it's from your parents or from a past lover, or even from things ah ah digressions of myself in my past, if I can love that version of myself, it really actually rewrites my future as a function of integrating that version of the past, because I now have the capacity to be able to expand into something new in the future.
00:30:55.36
Gareth Pickering
But if we don't know that that's happening, we genuinely loop loop in those stories again and again. And so for me, what you touched on there was like this. expanding emotional capacity is also expanding my ability to be able to manifest more into my reality, you know, because I've got more space to be able to hold more dreams, bigger desires, etc.
00:31:08.51
Lewis Huckstep
hundred
00:31:13.00
Lewis Huckstep
100%, man. you know you The way you articulate is beautiful. Absolute beautiful. Heads of things came up for me when you saying that. It's like driving... You're trying to drive your car whilst looking in the rearview mirror.
00:31:23.82
Lewis Huckstep
It's what you run away from, you run into. So anything you haven't healed from, I've i've got a it's a...
00:31:28.11
Gareth Pickering
That's great.
00:31:29.31
Lewis Huckstep
It's an iteration of Peter Crone's quote. He says, you will attract people and circumstances to reveal where you are not free.
00:31:35.31
Gareth Pickering
Yep.
00:31:35.35
Lewis Huckstep
I've shifted it for my vocabulary is you will attract... people and circumstances to reveal where you haven't healed. So whatever trauma you haven't healed from, what you run away from, you run into.
00:31:43.01
Gareth Pickering
Yep. Yep. Uh huh.
00:31:46.44
Lewis Huckstep
I use the example. If I say, don't look for your bus, what are you thinking about?
00:31:50.45
Gareth Pickering
Right. So it's the first thing that comes up.
00:31:52.24
Lewis Huckstep
and
00:31:52.86
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
00:31:53.90
Lewis Huckstep
Yeah. So I'll use the example of trauma is say a tiger attacks me right now and that's trauma.
00:31:55.11
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
00:31:59.45
Gareth Pickering
Can I so i want to stop you?
00:31:59.83
Lewis Huckstep
That's obviously a very physical
00:32:00.53
Gareth Pickering
Let's do this trauma piece. But I'd like you to define trauma because I love how you speak to this piece. So start with that and then bring the tiger.
00:32:06.99
Lewis Huckstep
yeah Yeah, for sure. So for me, trauma is a trait or a behavior. It's something that was too much or not enough. If someone did something or didn't do something that was painful, wrong, too much or not enough. um ah im my The biggest mentor who's had the most amount of influence on me is Dr. John Demartini.
00:32:23.20
Lewis Huckstep
And he talks about perceptions and lopsided perceptions a lot.
00:32:23.66
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
00:32:26.04
Lewis Huckstep
So it's a trait or a behavior that you have a lopsided perception towards. Something was bad, wrong, shouldn't have happened. I didn't like it. It was too much and not enough. And it's a very human behavior. because we are humans with our meat suits, as you said earlier, it's our human perception upon a very real thing from a human's perspective.
00:32:44.36
Lewis Huckstep
Makes sense. So that's why i start with empathy. I totally understand where you're coming from. However, I i use the um i rephrase it to land harder, but there's a quote, there's a scene in the movie, Evan Almighty, and um Morgan Freeman plays God in this movie.
00:33:01.33
Lewis Huckstep
And this woman's complaining about life. And she says, So Morgan Freeman, he doesn't say these words, but I'll share the message broadly. He says, you know when you ask god for strength he doesn't give you strength he gives you problems and challenges to make you strong
00:33:14.22
Gareth Pickering
Mm-hmm.
00:33:14.39
Lewis Huckstep
when you wish for love you don't get given love you get given often people being unloving towards you When you wish for patience, you don't get given patience, you get given situations to make you patient. So the traits and behaviors that we think are bad, they're only bad because you don't see the other side to it.
00:33:30.17
Lewis Huckstep
I wouldn't be the healer that I am today if it wasn't from the hurt my dad gifted me with many years ago. So that's what trauma is. It's a trait or a behavior that we think are bad and what you run away from, you run into.
00:33:41.58
Lewis Huckstep
So whatever things you haven't healed from, I'll use the tiger again. So let's use the tiger. So the tiger attacks me right now in my room. I get it, that let's call that trauma. Say I don't heal from that tiger.
00:33:49.68
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
00:33:52.34
Lewis Huckstep
I then live my entire life trying to not look for a tiger. And what am I doing? I'm attracting it. You're manifesting it because you can't, your brain doesn't understand the double negative. I'm going to try not look for a tiger. So you're looking for a fucking tiger.
00:34:05.11
Gareth Pickering
Right.
00:34:05.03
Lewis Huckstep
I'll use, I'll use, let's use trauma words for most people. Rejection, abandonment, neglect, criticism, anger, selfishness, List goes on. There's 4,628 traits that human beings can display.
00:34:15.46
Lewis Huckstep
So whatever ones you think are bad, wrong, that were painful in generally childhood because we're more sensitive in childhood, those are the things that we're constantly trying to avoid.
00:34:21.46
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
00:34:24.09
Lewis Huckstep
So if you're getting to... Common one for me, one of my personal ones is rejection, ah but also abandonment resonates with a lot of people. So I'll use those words for this example. ah So there's... ah Say you got abandoned or rejected in childhood.
00:34:39.61
Lewis Huckstep
And that was painful. Mom and dad weren't there for you, but you come home from... And this these are like the examples that some people don't recognize. It's not just you got sexually abused, mentally abused, attacked, ah mom and dad, whatever. about There's the quote big T traumas and other T traumas.
00:34:53.63
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
00:34:53.75
Lewis Huckstep
But this can be in the an example of it.
00:34:53.89
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
00:34:55.91
Lewis Huckstep
You're at school and you're five years old. You're prep school year one and you're spending all day making this little painting. looks like shit because you're five years old, but you're so excited about it and you're so proud of it. And then you run home to see mom and dad and you go to mom and dad.
00:35:05.58
Gareth Pickering
yeah
00:35:08.25
Lewis Huckstep
Oh my God, mom, dad, look at this beautiful painting. I just spent all day doing this and la, la, la. And then mom and dad are stressed because they just had something. They just had a fight that you didn't know about. Finances are stressful. Something's happened at work. And they say to little Johnny, Johnny, we're busy.
00:35:18.37
Gareth Pickering
yeah
00:35:20.40
Lewis Huckstep
Leave us alone. I'll come back to you later. Rejection. They just got rejected in that moment. So now rejection is painful.
00:35:24.73
Gareth Pickering
Yep.
00:35:26.54
Lewis Huckstep
And now I'm going to try avoid being rejected. That's literally the catalyst that can set you on your your course.
00:35:33.13
Gareth Pickering
Yeah, exactly.
00:35:33.19
Lewis Huckstep
So now little Johnny's living life, trying to not get rejected. but you don't see things the way they are, you things the way you are. so you'll So you will see things to fit the mold of what you believe. It's called a confirmation bias.
00:35:46.34
Lewis Huckstep
You find things to reaffirm the things that you believe. So say, for example, let's use rejection.
00:35:49.25
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
00:35:50.82
Lewis Huckstep
Say you um so you break up with someone, I'll i'll use an example. So, whatever you haven't healed from, you try to avoid it and you try to be the opposite of it.
00:36:01.76
Lewis Huckstep
So, let's use rejection again. So, say you were rejected and that's a wound of yours. So, you don't get rejected again. a common coping mechanism that people use is they will try to put everyone else's needs ahead of their own so people don't reject them.
00:36:15.23
Lewis Huckstep
That's called people-pleasing.
00:36:15.44
Gareth Pickering
sir
00:36:16.19
Lewis Huckstep
And I know this one very well because that was me for a long time.
00:36:16.89
Gareth Pickering
Yep. Me too, brother.
00:36:18.74
Lewis Huckstep
So, I don't get rejected. I'm going to put everyone's needs ahead of my own and over-deliver, be over-friendly and all these things. And it's my protector protection mechanism, my coping strategy, my cope my trauma response of me trying to avoid that pain again.
00:36:33.50
Lewis Huckstep
Past hurt creates future fear. So, yeah. So, that's kind of... So, the three pieces that I didn't... I normally start my spiel with is trauma is the trait of behavior that was painful, wrong, too much, and not enough.
00:36:44.09
Lewis Huckstep
Second is a coping mechanism.
00:36:44.32
Gareth Pickering
Mm-hmm.
00:36:45.70
Lewis Huckstep
It's what we do. It's what we develop to overcompensate, protect, hide, and overcome the trauma. Third is a trigger. A trigger is something that perceives or reminds you of the trauma and activates the coping mechanism.
00:36:58.44
Lewis Huckstep
Nothing triggers you. It reveals what's inside of you. That's probably my most used quote.
00:37:01.12
Gareth Pickering
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:37:02.01
Lewis Huckstep
So that's why when you get triggered, you want to be present. Now, it can be limiting beliefs. So there's a bit of crossover here, but also I'll say with trauma for now. So when you get triggered, someone is doing or being something that is reminding you of something that you haven't healed from.
00:37:17.77
Lewis Huckstep
So when your partner... is busy and they don't respond to you or you you you have an argument and they walk away from you, they just rejected you. And then that triggers you back into your coping mechanism.
00:37:29.30
Lewis Huckstep
And that's where yeah we mentioned relationships a ah fair few times. That's where relationships are the best mirror to you because they see you more than anyone else. yeah like We've met each other for what, an hour now.
00:37:38.16
Gareth Pickering
Yeah. Yeah.
00:37:40.17
Lewis Huckstep
And I would love to keep this relationship ah off air, by the way. But
00:37:43.36
Gareth Pickering
thank you very
00:37:44.23
Lewis Huckstep
If you don't, you you don't see me to the degree my wife does. Like she sees me when the dog's pissed on the carpet, when we've had financial pressure, when I haven't had enough sleep. I got sick the other week and I i had ah a vomit at mid, I woke up at midnight and had had a vomit. So the next day I was a bit irritable.
00:38:00.92
Lewis Huckstep
It's like, you don't you don't see those sides to me that she does. So just by proximity and her reflecting my shit back to me gifts me with the awareness of where they are so I can integrate and heal them.
00:38:04.70
Gareth Pickering
yeah
00:38:12.98
Lewis Huckstep
And that's kind of trauma in nutshell. So you will attract people and circumstances to reveal where you haven't healed, what you run away from, you run into. ah There's so many more layers to it. So I don't know where to keep going with it.
00:38:24.01
Lewis Huckstep
I'll tie it into leadership. You will try and not be these traits and behaviors. Let's use rejection. i Say you're a leader right now and you've got a team and one of your team is being shit. They're not a great performer, you and you but you're avoiding a tough conversation because you don't want to reject them.
00:38:43.57
Lewis Huckstep
that I don't want to reject this person because that's a bad thing to do.
00:38:43.81
Gareth Pickering
yep
00:38:46.74
Lewis Huckstep
I did this. I literally, ah when ah when i owned I used to own gyms, um as I alluded to earlier, and I remember I had a guy, i hired him. He was the manager of the gym and he was not the right fit.
00:38:58.96
Lewis Huckstep
And this is, I had at the time, I had a hundred grand cash that I just saved up. I put all my nuts away and screw them away. hundred grand cash is like a safety bucket for the business. And he was not performing.
00:39:09.67
Lewis Huckstep
And the the business was losing money every single week. It took me until the business, and I wanted to fire him. He wasn't the right fit. He didn't make sense. He was just not aligned, not the right person for the role. I waited until I had $3,000 left in the bank account where literally if he didn't, um so I had an excuse to fire him because I was too scared to reject him.
00:39:32.11
Lewis Huckstep
I like, I don't want to reject this person. I don't want to be that person because it's bad because it's just my projection of my shit. So I literally waited to like the business couldn't, I literally, I you remember this conversation like it was, yeah, this is about six years ago.
00:39:37.71
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
00:39:43.45
Lewis Huckstep
I said, Hey man, look, I'm so sorry. But the business actually can't afford you right now. going have to let you go. Not, hey, you're actually the wrong person. i just want to be real honest with you because I was still trying to avoid that rejection piece.
00:39:54.95
Gareth Pickering
yeah
00:39:55.23
Lewis Huckstep
So it shows up in leadership. It shows up in relationships. It shows up in everything. All the things that you haven't healed from, your trauma, your wounds, your limitations, those parts of you, You're going to run away from them.
00:40:06.33
Lewis Huckstep
You're going to run into them. You're going to project them onto others. You're going to judge others for them. You're going to shame yourself for it. So whatever, because the thing is we all do all traits.
00:40:12.03
Gareth Pickering
yeah
00:40:14.11
Lewis Huckstep
That's kind of the um slap in the face for a lot of people because you've done these traits. You just try to hide it. And then when you actually do do it, you'll shame yourself for it. So when you actually do reject someone, you beat yourself up for it.
00:40:24.89
Lewis Huckstep
So yeah it gets real deep and there's heaps of layers to it, but that's a big spiel for you to sit with.
00:40:30.21
Gareth Pickering
well dude we have um we have a similar piece in the in the people pleasing um and i've looked back on it and noticed that that's that that core wound of the fear of rejection has played out in my life. I don't know where the initial wound was, but I do know that when I moved from one school in in South Africa to another school, and they started school ah an entire year later.
00:40:50.46
Gareth Pickering
And as ah as a youngster, I think I must have been maybe 10, um Everybody in the school in my grade was like 11. So they're a full year older than me. And in wanting to try and find how to fit into this this layer, this social group of boys on the playground, I was doing whatever I could.
00:41:03.49
Lewis Huckstep
Yeah.
00:41:06.71
Gareth Pickering
And youngest and smallest at that age, I wasn't quite sure how to do it. And just by, don't know, luck or God or a sole contract, my girlfriend at the time decided she wanted to go behind the bike shed and French kiss me.
00:41:19.72
Gareth Pickering
That was the first time I'd ever decided that this would be a good idea. So I went on this adventure. and i came back to the playground and i told these boys who were a year older than me but the same the same grade i was like hey i just french french kiss this girl and in that moment i was accepted in a way that i had been seeking the validation so much in that moment that became a coping strategy for me which played out throughout my life into sex addiction which was this coping mechanism as well which again the underlying fear of not being rejected when I didn't feel like I was enough, I would fall into the arms of a beautiful woman or into the bed of a beautiful woman. And then suddenly for those few moments or hours I ever long were together, suddenly I'm okay because this person hasn't rejected me, but that core wound has been alive in me for, yeah it's going to be my work to do. And it's, yeah, it's got me to this place of sharing this work, but yeah, I think people pleasing for sure. I have that.
00:42:11.85
Gareth Pickering
But then the other part for me specifically, the And what happens for others as well, the fear of rejection can also lead to like over hypersexuality or hyper intimacy to be like, oh, I'm not enough. And then as long as someone's not rejecting me, then I am OK. And so that's that's definitely been a theme for me.
00:42:26.93
Lewis Huckstep
I love the software, this man. um if you If you want to, we can do a little bit of a process on that. We won't do the full process because that takes a while. But if you if you're open to it, I'd love to take you through a bit of a rebalancing and integrating of that if you want to.
00:42:38.55
Gareth Pickering
I'd love to. Let's go.
00:42:39.84
Lewis Huckstep
so ah So perceptions are made in moments and they're rebalanced in moments. So the perception that rejection is bad, whenever you want to heal, and this is just a side note before we get into it. A lot of people, and I used to think this too, is to do healing work, you have to find like the earliest childhood stuff that happened.
00:42:55.07
Lewis Huckstep
A lot of people can't remember their childhood because of that because it was painful. So you don't actually need to.
00:42:58.60
Gareth Pickering
Right.
00:42:59.71
Lewis Huckstep
If you do know them though, they are really beautiful to do the processes on. So just for a side note for people that are like, oh my God, i I can't remember my childhood.
00:43:03.38
Gareth Pickering
but
00:43:06.30
Lewis Huckstep
You don't need to. You just need a moment where you got triggered and you had a mirror moment of the trait or the behavior. I say any trigger is an opening to the wound. So you need an opening moment to get into that reflection, to rebalance it.
00:43:18.57
Lewis Huckstep
That's all you need to do. So... If you're okay with me, so um you need to find, you actually gave me the moment where you you actually got the you got the coping mechanism um sort of scratched.
00:43:29.14
Lewis Huckstep
um But can you, I like using parents. Which parents, I'm assuming, gave you the, um has rejected you? Which one mind? comes to mont
00:43:44.46
Gareth Pickering
Maybe my mom?
00:43:45.66
Lewis Huckstep
Perfect. Now, close your eyes and I want you to go to a moment. Earlier the better, but you don't have to go the earliest. A moment where mum rejected you.
00:44:10.80
Gareth Pickering
Something's coming up, but i don't know if it's specifically that, like a rejection piece.
00:44:14.06
Lewis Huckstep
And this is perfect. So just go whatever comes up and I'll i'll show you how we can finesse it because I talk about like surrounding traits or cousin traits because it might be rejection, it might be dismissed, it might be invalidated because you actually use the word validation earlier.
00:44:18.69
Gareth Pickering
Okay.
00:44:26.14
Lewis Huckstep
So you might have an invalidation wound as well because you because whatever you hit we ah so whatever we pit, we pedestal the opposite. Whatever we pedestal, we pit the opposite. So whatever the things that I try to validate others because I got invalidated before because you use that word validation earlier.
00:44:36.28
Gareth Pickering
Mm-hmm.
00:44:40.55
Gareth Pickering
Right. Yeah.
00:44:41.79
Lewis Huckstep
so um So just tell the moment that come up and I'll be able to zoom in for you.
00:44:41.95
Gareth Pickering
yeah
00:44:45.62
Lewis Huckstep
So then even if you become aware specifically what the wound is, because it might be a cousin wound or a surrounding trait.
00:44:51.15
Gareth Pickering
So what came up for me when I thought about it was this moment of like lying on the on the on the lounge floor crying because we were moving to another another state. Like we were moving and there was this place of big change in my world.
00:45:03.64
Gareth Pickering
So it wasn't specifically rejection, but there was the sense of having been given some bad news about the changing environment in which I was.
00:45:08.95
Lewis Huckstep
Beautiful.
00:45:09.40
Gareth Pickering
It's probably more a lack of safety.
00:45:09.59
Lewis Huckstep
Close your eyes for me. go close your eyes and go to that specific moment. Your intuition, and you know this better than most because this is the work that you do. Your heart and intuition knows the answers better than your head. So want you to go to that exact moment where you're lying on the couch.
00:45:22.70
Lewis Huckstep
And what did mom do or not do specifically where you had that emotion come up or you got triggered or you felt that hurt or whatever came up for you?
00:45:29.56
Gareth Pickering
Absence.
00:45:30.69
Lewis Huckstep
Absence. So you have an absence point.
00:45:31.53
Gareth Pickering
That she wasn't there. Yeah.
00:45:33.10
Lewis Huckstep
Awesome. So go to that specific moment where you perceived her displaying the trait of absence. What did she do or not do?
00:45:41.50
Gareth Pickering
She's not there for me.
00:45:43.11
Lewis Huckstep
So what does she say or do or not do in that moment? That's a general answer. I just want to zoom in a little bit more.
00:45:48.70
Gareth Pickering
She doesn't, she doesn't comfort me. She doesn't, she doesn't feel. yeah The pain that this, that this new transition has on me.
00:45:57.47
Lewis Huckstep
What does she say specifically? Now just trust your intuition. You might know not not know the exact words she said, but what what intuitively comes through for you.
00:46:04.50
Gareth Pickering
what she should have said or what I mean, she wasn't there. So um in this moment, she's actually not present. She's not there.
00:46:08.99
Lewis Huckstep
Okay, cool. So, this will just be a thought or a perception that you've thought of. So, what did you think of specifically to recognize she wasn't there, she was absent?
00:46:18.83
Lewis Huckstep
What did you tell yourself? What did you think of specifically? What did you see?
00:46:25.34
Gareth Pickering
Yeah, like a lack of love, a lack of awareness of what I was going through.
00:46:30.13
Lewis Huckstep
Cool. So what I want you, and just for yourself and for people listening, the more present and specific you get to the moment, because it's a mirror moment, there'll be a moment specifically where you saw something, you thought of something, you said something to yourself, you saw of something, you probably didn't have a phone back then, but it's like, um I had a moment with a client recently where it was rejection and it was, she had text a a partner that they were like kind of friends benefits.
00:46:38.39
Gareth Pickering
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:46:55.57
Lewis Huckstep
And he said, I'll get back to you when I'm ready. And then she woke up like a week later and she like woke up early because she was super anxious to see what happened. She went and grabbed her phone, checked her phone and there was no message there.
00:47:06.14
Lewis Huckstep
So the moment that she saw there was no message there, rejection. That was the moment. So we want to go to that specific moment where you this you labeled your mom as being absent. So did you think something? You saw something? You looked at something? did you Did someone say something in the room? There'd be a thought you had like, oh my God, I have to move school school again or something like that.
00:47:25.54
Gareth Pickering
Yeah. I mean, I remember lying on the floor and I'm hitting my arms on the ground and I'm aware that I'm moving to a new place where the whole family needs to move and she's not there.
00:47:35.37
Lewis Huckstep
Beautiful. So, you go to that specific moment when you're on your line on the you lying on the ground, you're hitting your arms on the ground and you say to yourself, I have to move.
00:47:41.99
Gareth Pickering
Yep.
00:47:45.99
Gareth Pickering
We've, no, we've been told that we're moving.
00:47:49.04
Lewis Huckstep
Yep.
00:47:49.30
Gareth Pickering
We've been told that we're going to move. I'm going to have to go to a new school.
00:47:52.52
Lewis Huckstep
Yep.
00:47:53.23
Gareth Pickering
Yeah. And I'm on the floor crying, but I'm alone. So there's nobody there.
00:47:56.32
Lewis Huckstep
Cool. So in that exact moment when you're alone on the ground and you recognize that you we have to move schools and you recognize your mom is absent in that moment, in that exact moment, you can only use one word answers.
00:48:03.52
Gareth Pickering
Mm-hmm.
00:48:06.08
Gareth Pickering
Mm-hmm.
00:48:09.64
Lewis Huckstep
In that exact moment, what did you summon within yourself to overcome your mom being absent?
00:48:17.37
Lewis Huckstep
Let your heart answer it. Take a big breath in. In that exact moment when your mom was absent, You're on the ground. You're hitting your arms on the ground. Your mom is absent in that moment. In that exact moment, what did you summon within yourself to overcome your mom?
00:48:29.02
Gareth Pickering
Independence.
00:48:30.43
Lewis Huckstep
Independence. Beautiful.
00:48:30.85
Gareth Pickering
and
00:48:31.03
Lewis Huckstep
List them out. Independence. Keep
00:48:33.53
Gareth Pickering
um
00:48:37.34
Gareth Pickering
Growing up.
00:48:38.53
Lewis Huckstep
going. Say that in one word.
00:48:41.13
Gareth Pickering
Maturing.
00:48:42.38
Lewis Huckstep
Beautiful.
00:48:43.38
Gareth Pickering
Self-responsibility.
00:48:49.43
Lewis Huckstep
Keep going.
00:48:49.75
Gareth Pickering
Ask the question again.
00:48:51.29
Lewis Huckstep
In that exact moment when mum was absent, what did you summon within yourself to overcome her acting that way?
00:48:58.45
Gareth Pickering
Toughness.
00:49:02.31
Lewis Huckstep
What else?
00:49:06.67
Gareth Pickering
like a hardening.
00:49:09.15
Lewis Huckstep
Beautiful. What else?
00:49:23.05
Gareth Pickering
Wow, it's so trippy. Mm-hmm.
00:49:24.92
Lewis Huckstep
That's right. Take your breath in. And let you and this your intuition, just a side note, your intuition is your soul, body, heart, self-balancing or healing mechanism. That's why if you go through something, you keep thinking about it years and years later because your intuition is trying to process it.
00:49:40.05
Lewis Huckstep
The questions I'm asking you right now is just helping your intuition do it faster.
00:49:43.09
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
00:49:43.17
Lewis Huckstep
So, that's where hindsight is. So, you go through something in a day, a week, a month, 10 years, 20, 30 years later, something lands on, my God, I recognize that my dad... Doing that to me has helped me become the man I am today. So this is just speeding that process up.
00:49:53.00
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
00:49:54.36
Lewis Huckstep
So you've got independence, maturing, self-responsibility, toughness, hardening. What else did you summon within yourself?
00:49:59.19
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
00:50:00.04
Lewis Huckstep
What were the lessons? What were the benefits to you in that exact moment for your mom being absent?
00:50:06.98
Lewis Huckstep
And how has it served you to this day?
00:50:09.32
Gareth Pickering
on reflection or in the moment, like I can reflect back. I know what they are.
00:50:11.57
Lewis Huckstep
Yep. So there's a couple of ways you can ask the question. One is in the moment. And then you can also say from that moment until today, how has it served you?
00:50:19.27
Gareth Pickering
um Yeah, I've been against like something against authority. Like I was always going to be on my own.
00:50:30.79
Gareth Pickering
I've chosen the path of entrepreneurship. There was some sense of not trusting anybody. Like I just trust myself. So self-trust.
00:50:38.49
Lewis Huckstep
Self-trust, beautiful.
00:50:39.80
Gareth Pickering
um
00:50:40.11
Lewis Huckstep
I heard intuitively then self-awareness. Is that true to you?
00:50:45.55
Gareth Pickering
Yeah, I think so.
00:50:47.20
Lewis Huckstep
and And when I'm doing this process, I can't tell clients answers. I need to let you answer it yourself, but I can throw answers out there.
00:50:51.57
Gareth Pickering
Right. No, there was an awareness that I needed to do this on my own and that, that's yeah, that I was tracking something that was alive in me there.
00:50:58.36
Lewis Huckstep
Perfect. Now, just for a side note, ah I don't move on till we do 20. We've got two, four, six, seven, but just for obviously we're on a podcast right now. So i just want to keep your eyes closed and I just want to read this out to you.
00:51:06.14
Gareth Pickering
Hmm.
00:51:09.03
Lewis Huckstep
So independence, maturing, self-responsibility, toughness, hardening, self-trust and awareness, self-awareness. Would you give up these parts of who you are?
00:51:20.91
Gareth Pickering
never no yeah rebellious is in there as well rebellious like the the rebel in me who gifted me these gifts to my mother
00:51:21.88
Lewis Huckstep
Absolutely not. Because these are some of your greatest gifts, right? Who gifted you some of these gifts? who who get What did you say, sorry?
00:51:34.53
Lewis Huckstep
Beautiful. Who gifted you these gifts?
00:51:40.24
Lewis Huckstep
So your mother gifted you with some of your greatest gifts that you wouldn't give up about yourself.
00:51:45.82
Gareth Pickering
mm-hmm
00:51:50.67
Lewis Huckstep
Now, there's 13 questions. I'm just doing one of them right now for you.
00:51:54.66
Gareth Pickering
Mm-hmm.
00:51:55.79
Lewis Huckstep
In that moment, independence. So, in that moment when you were on the ground and your mom was absent, in that exact moment back then, did your mom have these gifts to the degree that you have them today?
00:52:09.92
Lewis Huckstep
Perfect. So, we get taught things in two ways. We get given what someone has or we get given what they don't have. You were gifted these gifts because your mom didn't have them.
00:52:22.90
Lewis Huckstep
Your mom gave you everything that she wanted But she never got them. So she gifted them to you.
00:52:32.52
Lewis Huckstep
Do you see that and feel that?
00:52:33.04
Gareth Pickering
So good.
00:52:36.09
Lewis Huckstep
That your mom gave you everything that you have today and you get to be the man, the leader. And isn't this all the things that you help your men with?
00:52:46.78
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
00:52:47.64
Lewis Huckstep
So she's helped you become the man you are today with all the gifts that you have. And for you to then give that impact and give back to others. by her doing exactly what she was meant to do for you.
00:52:59.67
Gareth Pickering
So good.
00:53:02.48
Lewis Huckstep
And there's 12 other questions, but that's like the that's light the but juicy one. Sorry, like doing that one.
00:53:08.54
Gareth Pickering
Wow, man. So good.
00:53:11.10
Lewis Huckstep
And when you get in your heart, then there's like, because what we just did was quite a mental one. You probably, you're you're you're in touch. So you probably got it felt in your heart a bit more than the the average person. But what I i like to do is, ah you actually mentioned one of the bodies, of the emotional body.
00:53:23.83
Lewis Huckstep
So there's five bodies to heal through in inner work. There's the mental body. which is like judgment, resentment, limiting beliefs, conscious, unconscious stuff. There's the emotional body, which is what you mentioned.
00:53:31.45
Gareth Pickering
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:53:32.25
Lewis Huckstep
And I think something you'll be quite strong at is your nervous system and your suppressed emotions. So I normally do, ah the next question would be an emotional one where I'll get you to feel the emotions more to get it through your heart and your nervous system, not just your head.
00:53:43.68
Lewis Huckstep
You got it in your heart a bit because you're quite in tune.
00:53:44.01
Gareth Pickering
Yeah. Right.
00:53:45.44
Lewis Huckstep
So would have got that quite well. There's the physical body, that's semantics. So that's where it's sematic work and physical work comes into it.
00:53:51.31
Gareth Pickering
yeah
00:53:51.25
Lewis Huckstep
There's the spiritual body. That's where the medicines and the ceremonies and the meditations come into it. And then there's the energetic body. That's where your Reiki healing, your sound healing, your energy healers, your qigongs and all those come into it. And it's about integrating all of these bodies into a holistic healing because you might know you may you may know some people,
00:54:06.56
Lewis Huckstep
who they do some plant medicine and it changes their life. And then they're doing plant medicine every second weekend because they just need to sit with the medicine over and over and over again.
00:54:11.57
Gareth Pickering
right
00:54:13.48
Lewis Huckstep
But they haven't touched the other bodies yet. They need to integrate the other pieces. My work that I love is a quote from Bruce Lee. He says, there's no ultimate martial art, only the ultimate martial artist who knows every martial art and knows when to pull from the right one at the right time to get the right result.
00:54:27.05
Lewis Huckstep
For me, I see myself as someone who's striving to become the ultimate martial artist where I've tried 20 different modalities as a client. I've done nine certifications in different modalities so I can touch on everybody.
00:54:34.30
Gareth Pickering
yeah
00:54:36.55
Gareth Pickering
yeah
00:54:37.93
Lewis Huckstep
So that, the question I just with you just then, that's one step within a 13-step process of my balancing process where we balance those traits, but I integrate Demartini, Timeline Therapy, Hypnotherapy, NLP, Negative Emotional Release Techniques, and bit of breath work as well through the whole process.
00:54:52.04
Gareth Pickering
Yep. yep
00:54:55.52
Lewis Huckstep
So I touch on all of those bodies. So that's why I have like, I've got, i've got so i got i just got goosebumps thinking of them. I've got testimonials from clients that said they've done therapy for 30 plus years. There was one in particular. She got a trigger warning for the guys listening.
00:55:08.07
Lewis Huckstep
ah She got sexually abused from her dad for five years. And Physically, sexually, emotionally, physical all the above. And she has this beautiful post in my community. She's in my community group.
00:55:18.77
Lewis Huckstep
And she says she as there's like a spiritual, physical release as well that she has. Like her asthma goes away, she's healed. But the punchline of the story is she says, to say I love my dad is something I never thought could be possible considering she was bedridden eight years ago in so much pain.
00:55:35.74
Lewis Huckstep
She says, I've done 30 plus years of trauma therapy and this hasn't healed it. after this one process, I'm so full gratitude for my dad. And she that
00:55:45.20
Gareth Pickering
So good.
00:55:46.28
Lewis Huckstep
users aboutut There's about six modalities into the one modality. It's the ultimate martial artist putting them all together. And it's beautiful. And then the resistance to the trait. So for you, you would get triggered when someone displays the trait of absence to you.
00:56:01.27
Lewis Huckstep
Now, you might have done some work on it already. So it's probably less than the average person. But back in the day, when you felt absent or someone was absent from you, like you said, you'd go to the women, you'd jump in the bed with them.
00:56:07.02
Gareth Pickering
Mm-hmm.
00:56:09.42
Lewis Huckstep
And I resonate to that, by the way. i had similar coping mechanisms.
00:56:12.80
Gareth Pickering
Mm-hmm.
00:56:12.87
Lewis Huckstep
And that will continue to trigger you until you integrate and heal it, remove the emotional charge towards it.
00:56:18.08
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
00:56:18.01
Lewis Huckstep
And then when the wound's healed, it doesn't trigger you anymore. Then the next one pops up. And then we do that one then. And that's the evolution of of healing.
00:56:25.44
Gareth Pickering
Where does, um, where does sexual energy and sexual healing fit into those modalities that you spoke into? Which body do you recognize that as separate or as a part of the emotional body where see it?
00:56:30.19
Lewis Huckstep
That one.
00:56:33.92
Lewis Huckstep
I've done a little bit of it. So I did Reiki healing and she kind of uses like the tantric bodies and the um the tantric pathways and the tantric touches. It's probably outside of my genius. I've i've tried it. So that's one of those 20 that I've tried. and um I would say we'd go into the energy body and probably the, probably modalities touch on many bodies, right?
00:56:46.58
Gareth Pickering
Okay.
00:56:51.85
Gareth Pickering
Yeah, yeah, of course.
00:56:51.88
Lewis Huckstep
So that would go, I would ah assume and definitely energetic because there's a stored energy within your body. I'd say somatic. uh because physical touching and i would say probably emotional too if there's suppressed emotion because a lot of people have a lot of shame and guilt and suppressed emotions around sex especially so which i certainly did when i was younger um so i'll say those i wouldn't say would be too much mental maybe um depends on the person like i've done i've done mental processes with people and they have like a physical healing like they've the pain in their calf goes away yeah
00:57:00.38
Gareth Pickering
Yep. Mm
00:57:07.06
Gareth Pickering
hmm. Mm hmm. Mm
00:57:15.46
Gareth Pickering
hmm.
00:57:19.98
Gareth Pickering
Yes. i've got Yeah. Because they all, those bodies are all connected. It's just different layers of vibration.
00:57:24.30
Lewis Huckstep
Yeah. Yeah. So there's ones that are obviously more geared towards certain things, like a negative emotional release process is going to so release suppressed emotions. But then that might, you might, oh my God, I had all this, that my resentment to dad that I kept holding on to has gone away.
00:57:38.14
Lewis Huckstep
Great. So it's bit of a mental process. So yeah, I would say to answer your question, probably definitely energetic, definitely somatic and physical, definitely emotional. I don't think too much spiritual or mental, but again, it may cross over into it depending on the person.
00:57:53.12
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
00:57:55.48
Gareth Pickering
You said you had ah one of the edges you were working on right now was the sell from stage. And then you said, because of what comes with that, I'd love to hear what what you think. What are you tracking in yourself around that?
00:58:05.84
Lewis Huckstep
I'm still trying to find the trait. So this is... I'm leaning into it. I definitely think there's a bit of exposure therapy to it. So I did one event last ah last month.
00:58:18.71
Lewis Huckstep
I've got one seven days from now. So seven days from now, we'll be kicking off actually, 7.30 on a Saturday, next Saturday for me. So seven days from now, we'll be kicking off again. And it's a good question. So the questions that I've been asking myself is what's the part of me I'm scared to be seen?
00:58:34.71
Lewis Huckstep
What's the part of me that I judge myself for? Those are the the some of the questions that you can ask yourself. For me, it was sleazy. I think that came up. So I don't want to be a sleazy salesperson.
00:58:44.96
Gareth Pickering
Okay.
00:58:46.46
Lewis Huckstep
Guilty, shaming, manipulating, those things.
00:58:46.87
Gareth Pickering
Okay. Mm-hmm.
00:58:49.60
Lewis Huckstep
I've done processes on those. So ah originally it came up. I think it was honestly exposure and exposing myself to it because you haven't done it before. It's like that unknown, unknown part of it.
00:59:01.60
Lewis Huckstep
Definitely the sleazy part had come up. The manipulation, I've done process on both of those.
00:59:07.05
Gareth Pickering
What about your fear of rejection?
00:59:09.32
Lewis Huckstep
I've done a process and that was one of my first ones. I'm okay with that. It's the...
00:59:17.99
Lewis Huckstep
I think it's failure actually. and Now I'm dropping into it. it's ah It was the, what if I sell and no one buys? And then I'm a failure. yeah So, it's the it's the it's the failure piece.
00:59:25.05
Gareth Pickering
Mm-hmm.
00:59:25.84
Lewis Huckstep
So, that that's the one that's coming through for me right now.
00:59:26.63
Gareth Pickering
Mm-hmm.
00:59:29.05
Lewis Huckstep
And it was like, um because even when I did it, because i we had 57 people in the room and I had five people buy. it It's like, as soon as the first person bought, I was like, okay, we're good now.
00:59:35.97
Gareth Pickering
okay
00:59:39.33
Lewis Huckstep
It's like, okay, um um I'm not a total of total failure, right? um So yeah, that's um thank you for the reflection.
00:59:42.44
Gareth Pickering
and from
00:59:44.74
Lewis Huckstep
So mine would be failure. So
00:59:51.15
Gareth Pickering
Yeah. Yeah, it's an interesting one to to look at. You know, there's um there's something in the the sleazy sales piece that that I think is, I have it as well. um There's also something for me in
01:00:05.76
Gareth Pickering
the gifts that I've been given shouldn't be monetized or that healing work should be free, like some story like that.
01:00:09.80
Lewis Huckstep
Yeah. Yeah.
01:00:11.07
Gareth Pickering
um
01:00:11.41
Lewis Huckstep
Yeah.
01:00:12.11
Gareth Pickering
Yeah. And I've, I've spent some time on this there and there's been a few things that have supported me. One of them is that the, the transformation doesn't happen until the transaction occurs. Like there's something in that statement for me, which was like, oh, fuck yes.
01:00:22.67
Gareth Pickering
And I've seen it in myself, you know, like I can watch stuff for free all day, but when I spend 10 grand on a coaching program, I'm fully in, you know, and I've said this before to clients, you know, you can do a hundred dollar weekend where you teach the same stuff in this with the same energy as Tony Robbins.
01:00:30.08
Lewis Huckstep
yeah
01:00:37.65
Gareth Pickering
But when you pay five grand for the same weekend, you value it differently and your mind is inherently looking for value in a way that's not there.
01:00:41.10
Lewis Huckstep
Yeah.
01:00:43.31
Gareth Pickering
So that's been a really important piece for me. And the second was, um i don't know if you know Jesse Elder. he I just did a coaching container with him. And um he says that, you know, the coaching component is actually the reward that you get for enrolling somebody into the program. But the the real service is in the sale, you know, because that's when the person makes the decision to step into a different timeline.
01:01:08.03
Lewis Huckstep
Yeah.
01:01:08.31
Gareth Pickering
And hearing him say that, you know, sales is service has been a really important piece for me because I'm like, oh, I'm a great coach and I can do all of this stuff.
01:01:08.31
Lewis Huckstep
ponder percent
01:01:15.03
Gareth Pickering
But if you don't get people in your programs, you're not making any transformation. And so, yeah, that reframe has been something that I've been, you know, it's an energetic knot that I've been working through my own system there.
01:01:25.03
Lewis Huckstep
Thank you, bro. And I appreciate the reflection. I had ah just did a business event the last two days and a line that really stood out to me. It's like, until you're absolutely completely committed to your mission, you will pussyfoot around the sales.
01:01:39.61
Lewis Huckstep
yeah like and but But if you're absolutely committed to it, like you would you know how much you're going to change people's lives and how much impact your mission, your service, your coaching, your gift is going to literally save someone's life.
01:01:52.38
Gareth Pickering
Yep.
01:01:52.36
Lewis Huckstep
literally save it from divorce, from breakup, from suicide, from all the pain that they're experiencing.
01:01:54.00
Gareth Pickering
Yep.
01:01:57.72
Lewis Huckstep
Until you really get that, you're going pussyfoot around the sale. You're going to not okay sending the attention.
01:02:01.67
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
01:02:02.78
Lewis Huckstep
Stop. I'm scared of being judged. I'm scared of being projected on. I don't want to be a salesperson. So literally heard that yesterday.
01:02:07.98
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
01:02:09.39
Lewis Huckstep
So that time, that was good timing for me.
01:02:10.50
Gareth Pickering
So good.
01:02:11.51
Lewis Huckstep
um But there's still, for me, there's like the... the step into it and do it. It's like easy to intellectually understand it but it's ah for me i'm I'm a big reps person as well like get as many reps into it as you can so after a lot like compared to a good sort of speaking tip that I got from same mentor he said whenever you do any form of public speaking or events or whatever you're doing it's your edge plus one. So, whatever you... What are you comfortable with? Plus one. Whatever you're comfortable with, plus one.
01:02:40.66
Lewis Huckstep
So, it's like compared to my first sales pitch that I did last weekend, I'm... I've already like been mentally sitting with how can I go deeper into that? How can I look everyone in the eye who's committed, who wants it and initiate them with a place of love and not pressure and not guilty because I'm... I've got that...
01:02:58.63
Lewis Huckstep
integral part of i don't want to guilt people into doing this because then that energetically ah ah you don't want to work with that that type of energy so it's how do i initiate them with love with firmness with that support and challenge piece of like if you really want this you tell me you want this how many times have you asked how many times have you asked the um there's a story that an old mentor of mine used to share for a sales pitch is like um there's this is um
01:03:04.74
Gareth Pickering
Yes.
01:03:21.61
Lewis Huckstep
These people are drowning at sea and they're praying to God, God, please help me. God, please help me. God, please help me. And then this boat sails pass and said, hey, guys, we're here to help you. And he said, no, no, no, I've asked God. god God's going look after me.
01:03:34.97
Lewis Huckstep
And then the boat goes away. And then they're like, God, please help me. God, please help me. God, please help me. And then a helicopter comes across to to save them. He's guys, we're here to help you. like no no, no, no, I'm waiting for God. God's going to look after me. Then these people end up drowning and dying.
01:03:46.19
Lewis Huckstep
And then they go up to heaven. They see God. They're like, God, like what happened, man? I i was asking for all this help. is i mate, I sent you a boat. I sent you a helicopter. You didn't, you didn't listen. It's like that, that analogy of like, you've been asking for the growth.
01:03:54.23
Gareth Pickering
ahha
01:03:57.05
Lewis Huckstep
You've been asking for you to have the things that you want. Are you listening to the signs that the universe has given you? So that, that really landed for me. So, um, kind of just externally processing my own journey right now with selling.
01:04:08.14
Lewis Huckstep
So appreciate that. Um,
01:04:09.79
Gareth Pickering
There's something in what you shared there, bro. You nailed it at the beginning of this podcast, which is you know you can sit and meditate and future state all day long about the you know business that you want to create or the million dollar year that you want to have in your business, the internal work, and then you need to go out and it take inspired action on the outside. So it's like that balance between the actual hustle culture integrated into ah into a place of genuine healing and alignment with what you've been called to do.
01:04:34.75
Lewis Huckstep
Yeah.
01:04:35.47
Gareth Pickering
And you can't just do one without the other, you know.
01:04:36.05
Lewis Huckstep
Yeah.
01:04:37.23
Gareth Pickering
And depending on which polarity you're in, you know, you have people that hustle too much that perhaps don't find meaning or people that are really committed to their meaning, but they're broke because they they're not putting in the reps, like you said, to actually get on stage and to make offers and to get, you know, punched in the face and then get back up again and do it again and again and again until you feel like you're on point with it.
01:04:53.83
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
01:04:54.30
Lewis Huckstep
ah You give me so many goosebumps, man. i love man i love I love your energy, your mindsets, heats of alignment with us, man. So, man, French kiss. Thank you.
01:05:04.16
Gareth Pickering
Thank you, bro. Before I let you go, brother, I want to ask you about your adventure with your beloved to becoming a dad. What are you most excited about? What are you most anxious about?
01:05:15.47
Lewis Huckstep
i had i did I do plant medicine. ah I do mushrooms every... Three to six months. um It's more about six months these days. It used to be like sort of three months. I did one, I think it was about midway through last year.
01:05:30.48
Lewis Huckstep
ah So midway through 2024 and big drop in was like, I'm ready to be a dad. Like I'm ready for it emotionally, financially.
01:05:36.45
Gareth Pickering
Was that clear before? was Was that the first time that landed?
01:05:39.49
Lewis Huckstep
I know I wanted it, but it wasn't, there was always like, I'm not ready.
01:05:41.22
Gareth Pickering
ah
01:05:42.29
Lewis Huckstep
I'm not ready. I'm not ready. I'm not ready. So it dropped in that I'm ready, but then like the polarity, then all this fear and anxiety came up around it. I'm like, holy shit. Like, cause I'm the gift of the Asperger's mind apart to me is very structured. Like I love, a love structure. Like structure for me gives me the the rules to play within.
01:06:02.33
Lewis Huckstep
but there's obviously the chaos part that comes with kids. So the chaos and the, like I'm working right now, like like say, obviously i'll be set i'll ah so I'll have systems and structure to allow for said chaos.
01:06:14.48
Lewis Huckstep
um But it's like that fear of just being able to handle the chaos that comes with with kids so that was um that was the biggest part that honestly freaked me out the the finances i think i've ah was spoken to a lot of men that i um that i i respect and i've got love for and i they also have the same thing it's like you're never ready financially there's always like you can always have more you can always have more so i'm in a position where i can comfortably look after it but i'm always like but i need more but i need more so that story's definitely run out run its line but i'm comfortable with that now and
01:06:41.39
Gareth Pickering
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
01:06:45.32
Lewis Huckstep
Yeah, the biggest fear that came up for me was the chaos part and the fear part of the just being able to handle sir the chaos and the the emotions and the just shit that comes with it. You don't know what you don't know. That's the the part that I'm still sitting with.
01:07:01.23
Lewis Huckstep
But the balance of that is being able to just be totally okay and strengthening the ability just to be present. Just what does this moment need from me?
01:07:12.03
Lewis Huckstep
And being able to disconnect from work. There's no formulas. That's no work. There's no NLP. There's no fucking modality. It's like presence. like What is this? um There's a good friend of mine. He's a men's coach, actually. He'd actually be a really good fit for this show if you want to have him on. um And he his name is Jacob O'Neill.
01:07:28.61
Lewis Huckstep
And he says, um he's like, he was using an example of relationships, but he also applies to parenting.
01:07:29.16
Gareth Pickering
Yep.
01:07:33.82
Lewis Huckstep
It's like, throw the formulas and the modalities out the window. What does this moment need from you right now? So i just being able to practice more of that because I am such a structured modalities. Like you'll notice the way I teach, I'll come back to frameworks that I've come up with and structures I've come up with versus like, you can't use that with kids.
01:07:47.42
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
01:07:48.91
Lewis Huckstep
Like you just got to be present, love them, regulate with them, connect with them, be present with them.
01:07:52.96
Gareth Pickering
yeah
01:07:53.85
Lewis Huckstep
So I'm excited for, it's like the chaos, fear but the growth of that exact thing is one i'm most excited for but most fearful of it's like say say like they're crying their eyes out and like i'm so present and i'm here for you i'm trying to regulate with you but they keep crying it's like fuck what do i do now what's the answer what's the tool so i yeah that's exactly right so that's
01:08:10.87
Gareth Pickering
You could give them your three steps of trauma.
01:08:15.11
Lewis Huckstep
That's like my structured mind is trying to solve an unstructured answer. So that's um that's still definitely present. Like i'm I'm smiling as we talk through it because that's still there. Because again, you don't know what you don't know. So i'm i'm I know the growth that's going to come with it from everyone that I've seen, from my clients, from people that I respect, my mentors.
01:08:33.10
Lewis Huckstep
The biggest reflections you'll ever have is relationships and children. So intimate relationships and children. Then I'll put business as the third. um So yeah.
01:08:41.46
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
01:08:42.77
Lewis Huckstep
brother, I'm just excited for, um, to be able to sit with chaos, be able to be present within what's needed to be present with, to be able to be okay, not being able to use all my modalities and formulas and structures and frameworks. And because you can't, so, uh, I'm excited to be able to learn how to just be super present and playful and loving and, um,
01:09:00.88
Lewis Huckstep
Yeah, just that that side of me is probably something I haven't needed to embody as much outside of a relationship. And I obviously still do it there. But it's like, from what I've been told and from what I feel, it's just another fucking level into that. So I'm excited to to delve into that.
01:09:16.72
Gareth Pickering
You're going to be an amazing father, man. And I'm so grateful that you're going on that journey because, ah yeah, think the amount of work you've done, and the the service and the being that you are, i think it's going to be amazing to watch what you steward into this world through a through a little one.
01:09:27.08
Lewis Huckstep
Thank you bre
01:09:29.28
Gareth Pickering
So kudos on that adventure.
01:09:30.17
Lewis Huckstep
Thank you, Rob. thank you r
01:09:31.64
Gareth Pickering
One last thing. and I heard you speak really beautifully about feminine and the the the nature of the feminine being an ocean and how that can show up in masculinity.
01:09:42.06
Gareth Pickering
If you know the for real that I'm talking about, I'd love you to share that here just in closing.
01:09:43.72
Lewis Huckstep
ye
01:09:46.22
Lewis Huckstep
Yeah, ah for for me, it's probably I don't do too much work in it. I understand it. I've got my level of understanding to it, I'll say. So, for me, my my perception of the masculine is being able to have stability, have direction, have purpose, have meaning, have hold a safe safe space.
01:10:06.96
Lewis Huckstep
And then the feminine is the beauty, attraction, magnetizing, but also chaotic side to what it is. And it's been able to... The ultimate test for me of the masculine from the feminine. So the ultimate test from the feminine to the masculine is testing how much capacity that you have and how much how much you can handle. I heard Aubrey Marcus just say it in passing on a podcast. He said...
01:10:31.82
Lewis Huckstep
a stable mountain can handle any storm. ah Back to that sailor example, like a great ah calm ocean didn't make it never made a great sailor. So it's been able to, when I said earlier on the podcast as well, when someone says you're being too emotional, what they're actually saying is I just don't have the capacity to handle you.
01:10:39.25
Gareth Pickering
Right.
01:10:48.52
Lewis Huckstep
So it's been able to love the feminine and for anyone that's in relationships with the feminine and obviously that's not men or women, it's feminine masculine because we all have both pieces. There's feminine men, there's masculine women.
01:10:59.01
Gareth Pickering
but
01:11:00.77
Lewis Huckstep
But if you're If you're a masculine, the most testing you're going to have is from the feminine and throwing their chaos at you, throwing the emotions at you, throwing the the the challenges at you to test you.
01:11:14.47
Lewis Huckstep
Now, i i I disclaim that i do that's not permission to just go be it an asshole to your partner and just be mean to your partner for no reason, right? It's just like things will come up.
01:11:21.81
Gareth Pickering
Yeah. Yeah.
01:11:22.57
Lewis Huckstep
You don't have to you have to do anything. Just life will happen the way it's meant to happen.
01:11:25.89
Gareth Pickering
yeah
01:11:27.07
Lewis Huckstep
and And then the, yeah, the test of the the feminine, I probably can't speak too much because I see myself more masculine side. I would say, yeah, the test for the feminine is being able to receive and surrender to the masculine's direction and purpose and meaning and and love. Yeah.
01:11:42.53
Lewis Huckstep
So it's that sort of dance together. I don't, I don't, I'd have one module that I teach this for the clients with relationships, but it's just knowing which one that you are at your core, knowing how to live that and embody that to a higher degree. So to be more masculine, to have more structure, have more purpose, have more goals, have more work on your health, challenge yourself, grow, and the feminine to be more surrendering, more connecting, more loving to self, to heart, to body.
01:12:05.49
Lewis Huckstep
um And just having those practices to ah to be able to sit within it. And on the side note as well, it's like being able to also have the range of having both, being able to sit more in your feminine and for for the masculine and for the masculine to, the feminine, sorry, to sit more in the masculine, not go be someone that you're not, but have the range to do that if you can, if you need to.
01:12:22.16
Gareth Pickering
Yeah.
01:12:26.48
Gareth Pickering
Exactly. Yeah. So good, brother. so we're going to link up all your dates in the show notes, but I'd love you to just share where people can connect with you, what you're excited about right now. know building an online community. You've got your book. Just speak into those before we yeah send you on your way, bro.
01:12:41.76
Lewis Huckstep
Thank you, bro. I just want to say thank you for the the conversation, man. It's really beautiful to connect with conscious people, people that are doing meaningful work. And yeah, it's like you can't, um you can't, you can't fake someone's energy.
01:12:55.21
Lewis Huckstep
Like you can't fake if you've done the work or not. Like you can, social media, you can. Like you may have had some guests on or you've met people where social media and them in person like don't really align.
01:13:04.88
Gareth Pickering
I have.
01:13:04.96
Lewis Huckstep
So it's really beautiful.
01:13:05.45
Gareth Pickering
It's so difficult. Yeah.
01:13:07.85
Lewis Huckstep
So it's beautiful just to be in your presence, man. It's been, I've really enjoyed this conversation. So um just want to underline that.
01:13:12.52
Gareth Pickering
Thanks. Really appreciate it. Thank you.
01:13:14.67
Lewis Huckstep
Pleasure. ah For me, ah main ways you can work with me, I've got a conscious community where I teach all the stuff, values, purpose, mission, vision, trauma, limiting beliefs, planning. There's a relationship chapter. There's a business chapter to make money doing what you love.
01:13:28.16
Lewis Huckstep
There's weekly calls, blah, blah, blah. But that's that's probably the best. That's the deepest way you can work with me as of now. ah Instagram, my website, it's all Lewis Huckstep. Just type my name in there, it'll pop up somewhere. And my book is an easy way to do it. So it's called The Inspired Life Method. So it's on Amazon, Kindle, Audible.
01:13:44.32
Lewis Huckstep
I think it's like a dollar or $2 on Kindle, or Audible. Try to just make it cheap so everyone can grab it. And then I do do in-person events, but that's obviously exclusive to the Gold Coast. So if you're um in Australia or you're willing to travel to Australia, you want come hang out with me for a day ah day or three days, I'd love to meet you.
01:13:59.68
Gareth Pickering
Well, brother, i haven't got plans to go to Australia, but when I do, we're going to definitely hang out, bro. And if you ever make it to Latin America, you've got a space to to come and visit in Guatemala.
01:14:08.59
Lewis Huckstep
Thank you, bro.
01:14:10.08
Gareth Pickering
And yeah, bro, thank you for the work that you're doing, both internally for yourself, but also how you're serving others. it It's so needed. Appreciate you, bro.
01:14:17.15
Lewis Huckstep
I appreciate you, man. Thank you for having me today. And and I've got i've got a ton of people, if you want some guests, I've got a ton of people that would match your vibe as well. That ah you can jump on.
01:14:23.95
Gareth Pickering
Thank you, man. I'm going to yeah connect with you offline here and definitely ask you for Scott's details. Jacob O'Neill, you shared with me, and I've got a couple more notes, but thank you. I'd love that.
01:14:33.11
Lewis Huckstep
Thank you, bro.
01:14:34.34
Gareth Pickering
Much love.
