00:00.00
calltocourage
Imagine you've ordered a brand new sports car and the day that they come to deliver it to your house. You open up the garage and inside is just a whole pile of junk and old car parts from all the previous cars that you've owned.. That's what it's like trying to get into a new relationship before you've cleared the emotional baggage from your past relationships.
01:10.86
calltocourage
Youhoo this is Gareth and this is episode 2 of the miniseries called clear relating and today myself and Matt who is in Thailand are going to be jumping in and sharing a process that you can use. To clear the emotional baggage that comes from past relationships. Hello Matt all good stoked to get into this. Um, it's such a powerful tool and it's something that really supported me in a relationship that I had actually I was in thailer and.
01:29.36
Matt Dahse
How we doing girth.
01:46.22
calltocourage
When I went through this and um, really what we're talking about now is this idea of clarity being such an important piece of relationships because clarity really represents kindness when you are very clear about what it is that you want. When you're clear in your communication. It's really an act of kindness to yourself as well as to your partner and what we're talking about today is really like the process of clearing out any of the emotional baggage that comes let's call it like residual energy that exists. After having been in relationship with somebody so we're going to share a process that you can use today to recognize where you might be we sometimes call it leaking energy and leaking energy is where you're thinking about old stories or running old strategies or perhaps even past trauma. That exists from the relationships and connections that we've been in before and they affect either the relationship that we're currently in at the moment or it's like this clutter that exists which isn't a clear space for us to call in and manifest our our new potential partner. So Matt you've had some um. Some opportunities to go through some of this declattering process share some of the stuff that's come up for you as you've reflected on. Yeah some of the relationships that you've been on and where you see that you may have had some we call it declattering to do in order to make space for new relationships.
03:14.74
Matt Dahse
Man What comes to mind immediately is I was in a relationship where I found myself screaming at my girlfriend accusing her of doing something that she didn't do, but it was a trauma that I had from my previous relationship where. Um, yeah, it involved getting cheated on and I was so hurt and I I was finding myself almost like constructing a reality where my present girlfriend was doing that because I hadn't cleared my my past relating and yeah, this process is so important just to have a clean slate.
03:41.38
calltocourage
Um.
03:53.18
Matt Dahse
Not just for yourself. But for the person you're about to connect with like like don't don't you want to connect with someone who's clear and ready for a new relationship like that's what we all want make sure you're ready and clear yourself. That's what this is all about.
04:06.50
calltocourage
Yeah I love that part because we often do this and I know I've been guilty of this in the past it's like you want the other person to be all these things if you checked out episode 1 of the series was called getting clear on what you want. Which is like you get clear on you. You want this other person to be amazing and have all of these things but often we don't take the time to reflect on what it is that we need to do and any of the emotional clearing that we need to do from our past relationships. And yeah, as we said at the at the intro to this podcast. It's much like trying to. Bring your brand new ideal sports car and park it in a garage that's got a whole lot of junk that hasn't yet been cleared out. It's it's pretty obvious that that's not going to work and trying to force it in there is just going to create continual pain and anxiety in the in the relationship that you're currently in. And it's not very kind to either of you so this process is quite an in-depth process for obvious reasons and the reasons that this can be in-depth is that the stories and the emotions that we create specifically like you shared Matt around. You know where we've been hurt at a deep level through infidelity or dishonesty or you feel these feelings of betrayal if we don't take the time to go in and do this deep work and release these. We basically carry that baggage into our new partnerships and so.
05:21.22
Matt Dahse
Um.
05:33.59
calltocourage
This process of doing the declattering of past connections is ongoing work and what I mean by ongoing work is. We're going to continually reflect back on times in our lives where we are still. Potentially emotionally invest in lovers from the past past relationships past marriages. Whatever your past relating looks like we've got some work to do there if you haven't been very conscious of going through processes like we're going to share with you today which help you to integrate those lessons into your life. So what that practically looks like is where you where you don't take the lessons from the past and see them as a gift something that you can integrate and grow from you're going to continually find yourself getting stuck much like math was. But projecting all of those past betrayyals anxiousness whatever those feelings are into your current partner and it makes it really difficult to have ah a clear and open relationship with a partner that is free from all of these baggage from past connections. So. Matt maybe you can share this process that you went through to get clear on some of the past baggage that you had and I know you've been through this process a few times with some of your partners but share the process of what you can do to be able to recognize first of all where you have.
06:54.80
calltocourage
Emotional baggage with a partner and then the process to go through to start to integrate some of these emotional pieces that still exist from past relationships as a way to be able to get clear and create space for new connections.
07:10.24
Matt Dahse
Yeah, great. So again, this one can be done on the piece paper and pen what we're going to do is we are going to write a letter to each one of our past connections of our past partners our past lovers and it's what I like to do um. Is make a list of everyone I'm going to write a letter to and then cross them off as I knock it out but bringing in that awareness of sort of your historical record of all of these people who you've shared intimacy with you've shared energetic connection with you've shared profound life experiences and um, yeah.
07:46.95
Matt Dahse
Make that list get to get them there then what you're going to do is you're going to write a letter to this past Lover dear so and-so and you're going to articulate in that letter the things that you loved about them start with the love start with that connection point those things that you really value and appreciate from that connection. Then you're going to transition into the things that you learned like what what were some of the profound realizations that came about as a result of this connection or maybe lessons that you learned now that the relationship is over get those down there really anchor those in then you're going to articulate. And own the ways that you've grown like the ways that you have have really leveled up and and that's that's where you're really cementing and and being grateful for these things that that we've that we've learned from these connections. And then finally you're going to go through and own the things that you could have done better or that you've done wrong. Maybe it's an apology that you've never given this person that you can now give in this letter. Maybe it's It's just an acknowledgement that you've evolved into a different person now and you would have done it a different way. If you could do it over again. Articulate that sign the letter and burn it. You're going to burn it. You're not going to send it and when you burn it you're gonna you're gonna feel that person you're going to feel these lessons Learned. You're going to feel how you did it Better. You're going to feel the gratitude and the love and.
09:21.56
Matt Dahse
Through that it will clear those energetic connections that you fostered with this this individual.
09:28.54
calltocourage
Such ah, it's such a powerful process and I think just the act of taking the time to make the list of the people that you want to recognize and honor that came into your life just that on itself is is such a. It's such a gift to be able to reflect back on those times and when you then go through the process like Matt's explaining now of honoring and recognizing and taking all of the the gifts and the gold that you shared from those experiences. Yeah, it's it's ritual and I think. When you take the time to to honor these past connections. Not only does it start to integrate into you but it really starts to really shine a lot on just the magic of those past connections where for many of us they might still feel uncomfortable. They might still feel a sense of anxiety and. Can share how this this tool came up for me and I don't even know what led me to do this but I was in Thailand when I fell deeply in love with an amazing woman and I think I have so much to share about this connection because I think it was my first real. Deep heartbreak and our connection lost at about probably about 3 to four weeks we were in Thailand honeymoon phase new relationship energy at the time I had been calling in partnership of I was ready to.
10:58.66
calltocourage
On a life journey with somebody having spent 2 years traveling on the road lots of short-term connections but I was ready for ah, a partner to share my life with and when this woman came into my life. We fell into a deeply passionate relationship and I had ideas that this relationship was gonna last. Way past the three weeks that it ended up lasting I wasn't very skilled in this authentic relating and clear communicating and she had a bit more skill in this space than I did but I feel now when I reflect back on it. There was a part of me that was all in and. Long story short at the end of four weeks we had plans to meet each other at some point again in the future and we never saw each other again. The relationship fizzled out after that and it sent me into a deep heartache I was gutted that this relationship hadn't worked out the way that I wanted it to and yeah I was in pain and for. Probably about a week I had that oh my life's never going to be the same nobody's else is going to meet up to or compare to what this potential partnership had offered me and I went backwards and forwards with myself for a week of feeling depressed and anxious about this and. One day I decided to take a piece of paper in a pen and to write down all the ways that I had grown and all the ways I could be grateful for this connection and as I sat down and started to write this stuff. It probably took me maybe an hour but it's almost though I didn't even go through the process of burning it. But I basically.
12:29.70
calltocourage
Recognize that as soon as I'd finished this. There was this deep sense of gratitude and a lot of the the sting and the pain of the heartach that I'd been drowning in for the last week seemed to have gone away and it's just it was such an important moment for me to realize that when we take the time to. Learn the lessons and feel into the gratitude that we have for these relationships and these beings that have come into our path that that's really the start of the healing. That's where the integration starts. That's where you start to honor those connections for what they are and you don't then bring any of that plate and that baggage. Into the next partnership so that was just such a powerful way for me to be able to use this tool not only to be able to create space for myself to be able to see potential opportunities in the future. It's also a very powerful gift. For the next connection that I go into because I'm not clear from this past connection that I had with this lover that it hurt me and it's also a gift for the person who you're writing the letter about because energetically even if you don't reach out to them again and you don't send them the letter. The fact that you're energetically anchoring in. The lessons and the good times that you shared you get to say the things that you didn't get to say and you release that person. It's really a gift to yourself your past partners as well as all future partners. So.
13:56.80
calltocourage
This exercise can be done at any stage of your relationship. So whether you are currently single looking for partnership emotional declattering is a really good thing to do whether you're not even looking for partnership and you're just happy being on your own if you spend time going back and revisiting old things or there's still. Old trauma or baggage from past relationships this is a really strong gift to do and even when you're in a partnership with somebody that's working at the moment it would still be beneficial to your current partnership to go back and do this exercise. With any of your past lovers that feel like there's still some emotional charge around them. So that's essentially this exercise. It's called clearing past relationship baggage and it leads us into our 6 ix-week container Matt maybe you want to share.
14:39.79
Matt Dahse
Are.
14:48.50
calltocourage
What we're doing starting on the thirteenth of March called clear relating.
14:50.71
Matt Dahse
So clear laing is a six-week program that Gareth and I have put together that goes through these things in a very precise systemized six-week container of identifying the desires. That you want out of relating clearing old baggage so that you can call in your connection installing clear communication from the start with the people you're connecting with and who you're relating with and yeah, just getting clear getting clarity on all of these different elements of relating that. Maybe are not in your awareness or in your regular practice now in your present life like I look back at my history of relating and I didn't always operate with radical honesty with owning my desires with knowing what I didn't want out of a relationship.
15:31.70
calltocourage
Are.
15:44.56
Matt Dahse
How to communicate clearly. And yeah I was generally unkind to other partners as a result of it and now that I have integrated these lessons and put these tools into practice and I'm in a 3 year amazing perfect partnership relationship. I want to share these tools and so that's what we're going to be doing over this six weeks Gareth what have I missed in there.
16:10.50
calltocourage
That's a good description I think what we're going to be tackling is this theme of clarity so getting clear on what you want getting clear on what you don't want clearing emotional baggage from the past getting clear on who you need to be to show up in partnership and this program is for men. At any stage of relating and when I say any stage this program will support you whether you are looking to call in partnership many of the tools and frameworks that we use are going to help you get clear on what you want and do some of this caring similar to what we've done in this episode The program is also going to be for those that perhaps have just been through a relationship transition and are perhaps feeling some of the pain of a recently ended connection the tools and processes that we go through there are going to help you integrate some of the the lessons that you have from past partnerships similar to what we did here. And even if you're in a long-term partnership that is going well some of the ongoing communication frameworks that we use under the clear communications section of our of our training are really going to support you. Even if you're in a long-term partnership and both Matt and Artana as well as myself and araminta. Continually sharing the tools that we use to be able to connect and communicate more clearly with 1 another in our partnership to keep things fresh to be able to navigate the challenges that come from being in long-term partnership and so this opportunity is for men.
17:38.49
calltocourage
We are going to be in the sixweek container from the thirteenth of march if you're interested in finding out more about it. Let's jump on a call fathers sonsbrothers.com/clear we'll also put a link in the show notes. Let's jump on a call find out where you are your relationships and see whether you're a fit. To be 1 of the 18 men that are going to join us in clear relating. This is the first time we're running it and we're super stuck to share it kicking off on the thirteenth of March Matt thanks for taking the time to share your stories and um, much of the goal that you've been on on your relating path as we unpack this. Clearing or emotional baggage and um I'll see you in episode 3.
18:29.30
Matt Dahse
Thanks Gareth. Yeah I'm excited to share this stuff and I'm the walrus. That's not it all right? see it episode 3
19:20.55
calltocourage
See you episode 3
