CTCPodcast S0103 - Your CTC V1.2HD.mp3
Gareth: [00:00:00] My life. Os This is the operating system that runs your life every single day. The decisions that you make, the tools, strategies and habits that support you every single day, that allow you to understand what it is that's coming up in your future. The plans that you're creating, as well as practices like meditation, self-love, self-acceptance, etc. that it gives you the faith to know that whatever's coming in your future is exactly what it needs to be.
Gareth: [00:01:27] Good morning from Lake Atitlan, Guatemala. And welcome to episode number three of the Cult of Courage podcast. I'm your host, Gareth Pickering, and I'm recording today's episode, this part of it anyway. From a view overlooking the lake from my morning bike ride. And the purpose of episode three is to. Fill you in. Our listener as to the reason that we've chosen courage as a theme for our podcast and our evolution from our original. Lifestyle design tools that we started with at Livermore Perfect Days and our recent evolution into men's work. And if you've consumed episode one and two, you will have heard how Matt and I started co-creating together and how we've switched over to this new medium of podcasting. And really what we were doing is as we were trying to plan episode three, which was on a whiteboard, it looks like let the audience know why courage is important. We recognize that this is new work for us. It's a new theme. And while we've spent many hours pondering it, teaching it and sharing it with the world is new to us. And so while Mats and I were going backwards and forwards deciding how we were going to share this, we decided to share it in this format. And for the sake of transparency, we're doing it with voice notes. After three or four failed attempts of doing it live on a zoom call and recording the audio. Yeah, we're. Matt initially lost his way telling a story. I lost my way twice, trying to explain the concept of why we've chosen courage as well as how it links to. Confidence and to our overall purpose of what it means to be a human being and how that relates to expansion.
Gareth: [00:03:19] And so while we have that clear in our heads on a whiteboard, we had a few failures in getting this episode out there. And so we decided to go back to this medium with a series of voice notes between Matt and I and encourage unpacking why we think it's important and sharing how the lifestyle design tools that we've already created can support us in being more courageous. And so as a starting point, what we decided to do was to both share a story where we have needed to access courage in our lives in the past, and how making a courageous decision, or, as we call it, answering a call to courage, has led to a more empowered and more expansive version of ourselves. So I'm going to hand over to Matt, who's going to share his story of how he built a business that he outgrew and how he required the courage to let go of it in order to make space. For something new in his life. And then I'm going to come back and I'm going to share my story, a different story where I needed to access courage and how that shifted an important direction in my life. And then we're going to have another attempt using voice notes to share our we haven't got a name for it yet, but it's essentially a a hierarchy. Of expansion. Courage, confidence and the lifestyle design habits, tools and strategies that we all run every single day. So every two you met.
Matt: [00:04:46] Hey, everyone, this is Matt D'Arcy coming to you from Alicante, Spain, where it's been raining for eight days. And I got my son asleep in the other room and I'm sneaking into the spare room to share a call to courage story that occurred to me maybe about four or five years ago. I was a 30 something year old backpacker and living in Mexico, traveling around that region. And at that point I had spent about eight years on the road and I was living out of a backpack, traveling from place to place and making money through a handful of digital nomad businesses that I could operate from my laptop wherever I was. And my bread and butter business was a car shipping company that I built with one of my dear friends who lived back in Houston, Angelo. And we built that business up together, and it was my responsibility to essentially operate the logistics end of it while I was traveling. So that involved finding clients. Giving them quotes, coordinating the shipment, making sure that the car was on time, and giving them updates and giving them a customer service feedback survey after the vehicle was delivered. And yeah, it was it was a great business in the sense that it made me good money, allowed me to travel and I could operate it literally from anywhere.
Matt: [00:06:18] I would be sitting with a laptop with my toes in the sand, smoking the joint, drinking a beer, watching the sunset and shipping cars. And I built an identity around that lifestyle as this car shipping digital nomad guy. And I remember when I was in Oaxaca, I met Gareth for the first time, and him and I started really talking about lifestyle design and this idea of. How you give back to the world, how you make money and how you enjoy life. If you could get all three of those things to be the same, then you were doing things right. And for the first time, I examined my income stream and realized that shipping cars was not my passion. In fact, shipping cars was nowhere near my passion. It's not how I wanted to give back to the world. And I didn't enjoy it. I realized that. My phone would ring probably 20 times a day and I might be watching a sunset or playing volleyball or going for a surf or whatever it is. When I would hear that phone ring. I would get chills going up my spine because I was so stressed about these vehicle shipments going right. Like it was really grinding me to have to manage the logistics of this business day in and day out.
Matt: [00:07:38] And I wasn't loving it. In fact, at moments I was as stressed out with this business as I was with the investment banking business that I had left ten years earlier. And so I really started considering a change and a shift. And it was a difficult moment at that time because I was really 100% reliant on this income and I needed it to pay the rent and. As I realized that I didn't enjoy the business, I started not doing the business as good. And the business suffered and my income stream began to get smaller. And I realized that. What I was doing was downgrading my lifestyle, moving into a cheaper apartment, not going out to eat as much, not spending money on tours and adventures. And I was minimizing my lifestyle and the joy I was getting out of my life to accommodate this failing business. And it all came to a head for me when a vehicle I was shipping showed up with a scratch on it and. It's my responsibility to take care of that. And honestly, the scratch was probably there before, but it wasn't properly notated on the paperwork and it was a big hit for my pocketbook.
Matt: [00:09:00] And I realized, Man, I don't want to live this way. I don't want to have this type of stress and be dealing with these car shipping issues that I'm not passionate about any longer. And I took a real hard look at my business and my financial situation and took the steps necessary to break away, closed down that business and go off on my own to try to find a new revenue and a new income stream. And yeah, looking back now, that was a a huge call to courage to me because I really didn't know where my next dollar was going to come from. I knew that it would require a ton of work to build up a new business to that level of cash flow and shit. I did it anyway, and within a week of shutting down that car shipping business was when Gareth and I decided to co-create together in Live More Perfect Days and lifestyle design, which is the pathway that ultimately led me here to. To this conversation and and this creativity around men's work. And so super grateful that I was able to answer that call. And yeah, let me hand it back over to Gareth, who I think is going to share a story around radical honesty. Gareth, take it away.
Gareth: [00:10:20] Thank you, bro. The topic of money and how we bring our gifts to the world in exchange for money is such a it's such a juicy topic to unpack. And I know it's something we're going to spend a lot more time talking about on this podcast. As Matt said, I want to share my call to courage, which is really my journey into a life path and a way of living and a methodology that I've adapted in my life called Radical Honesty. And this came as the result of reading a book called Lying by Sam Harris. We'll put a link to it in the show notes. But really what it is, is a short essay that speaks about just how important it is to be completely honest and transparent with everybody in your life that you truly care about. And any deviation from the absolute truth creates eddies and inauthenticity in any of the relationships in which you're not completely open and transparent with the people with which you're connecting. And that can be a spouse or an intimate partner. It could be a family member or a work colleague. It doesn't matter. But as I read the book, I recognised that there were parts of my life where I had been using what lies or not being completely transparent or not lying, but not disclosing everything for a number of different reasons. One of them is that sometimes it would have made it would have resulted in a difficult conversation.
Gareth: [00:11:49] So I would just avoid that. Or in some places that would prevent me from getting my needs met. So specifically around women, I may not be completely honest about how I felt, knowing that perhaps the person that I was connecting with wanted something different. And rather than not connect with them, I would tell another story or pretend that I felt differently or something like that. And on reflection, now I can see where that created a lot of pain for some of the people that I was connecting with in my life and a lot of complexity where I wasn't sure exactly how I was moving. People didn't always know where they stood with me and my life was pretty complicated, specifically my intimate life. And after reading that book, I decided to be completely honest. And while I was down on the Baja Peninsula in the south of Mexico, I met a girl on Tinder and we went out for dinner and we started connecting and we spent about a week together and it became apparent to me that she was looking for a long term connection. And while I was having an amazing time with this beautiful woman, she wasn't what I was looking for in a long term life partner, which was something that I was calling in. Having spent four years traveling on the road and connecting with loads of different people and having lots of different experiences, I was ready to find a life partner, somebody that I could share my life with.
Gareth: [00:13:12] And while I was having an amazing time connecting with this woman, I could tell upfront that she wasn't going to be the person for me as a long term partner. And so for the first time, I decided to be completely honest. And I sat down and I said, Listen, I can feel in some of the things that you said and how we're connecting that you're looking for a long term boyfriend. And I'm having an amazing time as this is at the moment. But this is a short term holiday romance for me, and in three weeks I'm going to get onto an airplane. I'm going to carry on my travels, and this will be the end of our connection. And I want you to know that. And she said, thank you. I really appreciate that. She was a little bit upset. As I said, she was looking for a long term partner. And I think she felt that the resonance with our connection. And she said, but I can't carry on with this connection the way it is if you're not looking for what it is that that she was looking for. And so that was it. And I was like and there was a part of me that was like, oh, you know, I recognize a version of me that in the past would have just either avoided the question or said, Yeah, I really do care about you.
Gareth: [00:14:16] Let's see how this goes. Knowing that I was leaving in three months, knowing that she wasn't necessarily the long term partner for me, but rather than hurt her feelings and close the opportunity for the continued connection, I would have just told a different story, but I was honest and she walked away and then she phoned me back. A couple of days later she phoned and said, Can we go for lunch? And we went for lunch and she sat down and said, You know what? I really appreciate you being so open and honest with me and I know that this is not what you want long term, and we've had such an amazing time together. Let's enjoy the next three weeks and yeah, we'll cross that bridge when we get there. And really, for the first time in my life, somebody that I was relating to was 100% on the same page with me. And I could be completely honest about. I felt. And there were moments when there were tears and yeah, but we both know where we stood with each other and we're still friends to this day. In fact, she came to the lake about a couple of months ago and yeah, it's just been such a beautiful reflection for me of how doing things differently delivers different results. The other slightly more serendipitous element of this story is where it was only a few weeks after leaving Mexico and arriving in Guatemala that I met my partner Araminta and I can really recognize we're being completely authentic and open and honest with the girl in Mexico.
Gareth: [00:15:43] Had really just kept my energy field super clear. Like when I got on the plane, there was no aftercare that needed to happen. There wasn't me still trying to manage phone calls and drop it on a zoom call and hold space for someone who was like, Wait, are we going to see each other again? We knew the deal. And yeah, that lack that not lack of clarity, the the amount of clarity that that had and the simplicity that it has brought to my relationships, intimate and otherwise, has been such a game changer. And I'll link to Sam Harris's book. But if you're navigating complexities in any of your relationships, perhaps take a look at where you're not being completely honest. Radical honesty isn't easy. Let me say that there's definitely a place where delivering the truth needs to be done gracefully and with consent. And yeah, sometimes these things can be tender, especially if you're connecting with somebody intimately or it's a long standing relationship with a parent or a sibling or something like that. Radical honesty can be jarring, especially if it's not a strategy that you've run before. And from what I can tell, it's by far the cleanest way to keep people on the same page as you and to show up as your authentic self.
Gareth: [00:17:31] Courage is the only route to a life of purpose. In 1943, Abraham Maslow developed something called Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, and they are best described as a triangle or a pyramid with our basic needs at the bottom. And the theory behind it is that there are certain needs that need to be able to be met before we can consider any other needs. So, for example, at the bottom of the pyramid are physiological needs of food, sleep and shelter. Need to be met first before we can worry about the next level of needs which are safety needs, things like health, employment, security of our bodies, etc. Above safety needs is our need for belonging, love, affection, family, friendship, etc. Above that is esteem. Our need for achievement, confidence, position in a group, status, something like that. And at the very top, self-actualization, which is achieving our individual potential. And when you think about it, if you haven't got a safe place to sleep and food, it's impossible for you to consider how you want to give back to the world and reach the level of self-actualization. Imagine a similar triangle with purpose at the top. Our purpose and the one commonality that all of us share in this human experience is our need for expansion. We came to this planet to have an infinite number of expanding human experiences, different experiences. And it's the one thing that we all say, because as soon as we've achieved anything in our lives, we're looking to expand and do something else. Try something new. Travel to different places, have different experiences. But in order to expand out and have these different experiences, we require the courage to give ourselves the permission to expand into something new.
Gareth: [00:19:37] The whole idea of expanding into something new is that we're not sure every single time what comes with stepping into something new. And so without courage, it's impossible to be able to give ourselves the permission to try new things and to expand and therefore to live our purpose. So with expansion or purpose at the top, courage is the level below on this triangle. It's impossible to be courageous without confidence because of the fact that we're unsure of what's required for us to step into something new and the courage required to do that. We need confidence, and confidence is linked to your future. If you are able to be certain of what was going to happen in your world tomorrow, you would feel more confident to make certain decisions. And there are two ways to improve your confidence. One of them is to gather information, resources and develop a plan that helps you feel safe, that you have the information needed to know what's coming up in your future. The other is to be unattached to your future or to have faith that everything is going to work out. If you are trusting that everything that's going to happen with the decisions that you make in your life and or you have a plan that you feel safe and comfortable with, you have the confidence that's required to be courageous and to step into the things and decisions in your life that allow you to expand. Below. Confidence is something called my laugh OS.
Gareth: [00:21:21] This is the operating system that runs your life every single day. The decisions that you make, the tools, strategies and habits that support you every single day, that allow you to understand what it is that's coming up in your future. The plans that you're creating, as well as practices like meditation, self-love, self-acceptance, etc. that it gives you the faith to know that whatever's coming in your future is exactly what it needs to be. Okay, so what? So there's a pyramid, and the pyramid has four different levels. The base levels, which are the operating systems of your life or the routines and habits and decisions that you make every single day. If you're doing those and you have a strong foundation, you feel confident. When you feel confident. You allow yourself to feel courageous. And that courage is what supports you to expand into. A more purposeful and expansive life. One of our objectives for this podcast is. To hold ourselves accountable through the creation that we're putting out into the world for us to be more courageous. And we also want to create an experience where you can take something from consuming this content and directly install it into your own life. And so what I'm going to share with you now and actually model with you is the process of actually answering a call to courage. And it's really made up of four steps. First of all, recognizing somewhere in your life that you're being called to courage. You already know what this is. You don't have to think too hard about it.
Gareth: [00:23:10] There's something in your life right now where you being called to step into a new version of yourself, a relationship that you need to let go of, a potential project opportunity that you need to step into. Maybe it's around health and body. Maybe it's about up leveling your diet. Pick something that feels like a call to courage, something that you want to expand into in an area of your life. The next step is you're going to articulate why that's important. Step number three is what's the next action that you're going to take to move towards this call to courage? And the fourth component is accountability. Much like when you've got a running buddy, you're more likely to show up for a morning run and not let that person down. Then you are by setting an alarm and it's only you going for a run in the morning. Step four is connecting with somebody to hold you accountable, to answer your call to courage, and an invitation for them to recognize a call to courage in their own life. And for you to be their accountability partner so that they can expand as well. So to model this. I'm going to answer a call to courage in my life. And it comes from the part of me that recognizes that. I have a little bit of anxiety or fear around launching. The three parts called To Courage Live Workshop. We spent a lot of time documenting it. We've got a very detailed plan of exactly what the workshop is going to entail. But I can see a part of myself that's stalling, that's putting other things on my to do list instead of that.
Gareth: [00:24:52] And I can see that that to move into the why launching this three part live workshop is the next phase of us up leveling our tribe. And so my call to courage is to launch the Call to Courage three day live workshop. Why? It's Important. This is the next step of putting our work out into the world and uniting our tribe of brothers. It's also the next step that moves us to a business that's not just creating content, but actually making an offer that generates some money to keep this project and co-creation going. So that's number two. That's why it's important. Number three, what's the next step? The next step for me, I'm saying because it feels like it feels heavy for me somehow. I feel I can feel that I've been putting this part of my next step is to put dates on the calendar as to when the three part live launch is actually going to be launched, when we're going to actually run this three part live workshop. So that's step number three. And my step number four, I think you're going to know what this is my accountability partner for. This is Matt. And so, Matt, my request is for you to hold me accountable to answer this call to courage, to launch the Call to Courage three part live workshop. And my first step is to put some dates on the calendar. Maybe you want to share with me what your call to courage is using the same format.
Matt: [00:26:26] Yeah. Gareth, I hear you talk about how the cult of courage that you need to answer is going to be obvious to you when you start thinking about it. And for me, it really jumped out and slapped me across the face. When you were when I was listening to what you just shared. And it's very obvious to me that my call to courage is to show up financially for my family. Over the past year, I have gotten married and been witness to my beautiful son, Nilo, being born and. Experienced a ton of lifestyle changes going from the digital nomads solo single backpacker traveling the world to a family man to a husband, to a father. And that transition has been very dramatic. And with it comes a whole new set of responsibilities that, in truth, I haven't really been prepared for, and I haven't really faced the way that I should be, the way that I need to and the way that I can. And. One of the things that one of the things that really weighs on me regarding this call to courage is the fact that I haven't made any real money over the last two years. Over the past two years, I've made a total of 1400 dollars. And that's it. And. As a single backpacker living as cheaply as I can, that's almost sustainable plus savings. But as a family man supporting a newborn child and moving to Spain and taking on a ton of new expenses that I never anticipated.
Matt: [00:28:06] I have really been falling behind in how I want to show up for my family. And that's been a tough thing to own for me. Like I'm sitting here contemplating how to really phrase this call to courage, and I realize how much shame I have around the lack of money that I've been able to generate and how my family's essentially been living off the savings of my wife and the maternity leave that she's gotten from her job. And that's been great. And we've been living in abundant, plentiful lifestyle, and it's time for me to show up. It's time for me to step into my power as a man, as a husband, as a father, and start making income that can support this family. And so that's my call to courage. And obviously it's important to me because I want to support my family. I want to show up in a way that I'm proud of, in a way that's not just emotionally and physically, but financially, too. And so. Yeah. That's my call to courage. My next step. Is going to be launching my personal brand website. Matt Etsy.com and using that website to offer. What it is I want to offer to the world, and I haven't quite put my finger on what that offer is going to be. It's going to be something around helping creators find their authentic voice. And at this point, I'm going to let it continue to evolve. But Gareth, I would like you to be my accountability partner and call me to action to step into this role as a financial provider for my family and hold my feet to the fire.
Matt: [00:29:47] On going and implementing all of the tools and strategies that I learned in the Ignite Your Business Personal Brand Master class that I did a little over two years ago, did all the work to design my brand and my voice, and I never actually built the website and put it live. So that is my first step to answering my call to courage, and I'm excited to bring that into reality. So that's the process, y'all. And for all you brothers out there listening, it's time for you to do some homework. Gareth told you to identify your call to courage. Now is the time to do it. I want you to get a piece of paper and write it down. Detail out what your call to courage is. Identify why it's important to you. Figure out that one thing that you can do to start taking the steps necessary to answer that call to courage. And finally find an accountability partner. Reach out to a brother who you want to go along on this journey with you. Grab a link to this episode. Send it to them, have them consume it, and do the work alongside of you so that you can hold each other accountable and expand into a more courageous version of yourselves. Appreciate your being a part of this journey. See you at the next episode.